Have you ever had one of those moments when you can see something awful is beginning to happen, it's as if the moment is in slow motion, and everyone else is either oblivious or they just don't care?
In recent days I have become alarmingly aware of a very disheartening and truly disturbing fact. I feel that I am seeing the end of a beautiful, mysterious thing, and I fear that when it's gone there will be no possible way of getting it back. Once it's gone, it will be sorely missed, yet we will not have the faintest clue of how to recreate it. Even if we could it'd be a sad substitute to what used to be.
We are on the verge of losing something more valuable than any rare exotic bird, or precious gem. The Heart of the Ocean cannot begin to compare to this exquisite treasure.
I am talking about the fall, or rather the death of "True Femininity".
Friday, March 29, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Happy New Year!!!
I want to wish all of my subscribers and friends a wonderful and blessed New Year!!!
2012 was challenging yet great. I learned a lot about myself. I found some weaknesses that I plan to turn to strengths in the coming year, I also discovered a few strengths that I want to continue to nurture.
A little over four years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety. Over the past four years I have fought hard to overcome it. I've had some setbacks, but with the Lord's help and the support of my wonderful husband, I believe I am finally on the downhill slope to fully overcoming it!
I had never really talked much about the anxiety because it was a huge weakness in my life. Since I'm a very independent person I literally HATED this weakness! I didn't want anyone to know about it. I wanted everyone to see me as the strong person I was so desperately portraying. Once I finally realized that a weakness was just a strength waiting to be discovered, I was finally able to begin that epic war against the enemy (in this case anxiety) that was trying to rule my life.
There were days when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and CRY!!! It was a continual battle! And as battles go, I didn't always win. I learned that the key to overcoming my anxiety was to never ever give up. It was wonderful to know that I had the support of an amazing man, who wouldn't let me give up! Ben was always there on the bad days to help me get back up and dust myself off and GET OVER IT!
I've failed a lot in the past four years, but I learned that it got easier to get back up and move on after I'd have yet another "melt down". I learned that a failure is only a failure, when you fail to learn from it :-)
I've learned not to dwell on the depressing things in life. I've learned to grab a hold of the things that make me feel happy and complete and not let them go. I've learned that my God, my husband and my four beautiful girls mean more to me than life itself. I am not complete without them. I could never have overcome my anxiety without all three of those gifts.
My relationship with Jesus Christ enables me to be the wife and mother I need to be. I've heard ignorant people make the statement "God/religion is just a crutch for weak minded people" that is the biggest falsehood I have ever heard! How do I know that? Because before I began to delve deeper into my relationship with the my Creator, the anxiety was taking me down. I honestly did not think I would make it, I thought I was going crazy! When I took my mind off my anxiety I was able to realize that every moment I spent dwelling on my problem I became weaker.
Five Keys to Overcoming Anxiety: 1) Cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Him we cannot succeed. 2) Support. My husband was my one man support team. You need to find someone who is optimistic. Someone with whom you are not afraid to be real, someone who wants you to be strong and beat this. 3) Learn what brings you down & avoid it. In my case it was talk radio. I have not listened to it in four years. There were some people that I had to stay away from until I was strong enough not allow their pessimism to affect me. 4) Take your vitamins!!! Vitamin B-12 helps your nervous system and actually helps reduce anxiety. I actually started taking a combination of B-12 & Adaptuit which changed my life! You can check it out by going to this link. http://tinyurl.com/b53xmag 5) Exercise!!! For me it was running, but if that doesn't work for you, then find something that can help you sweat out your frustrations so they don't own you.
2012 was challenging yet great. I learned a lot about myself. I found some weaknesses that I plan to turn to strengths in the coming year, I also discovered a few strengths that I want to continue to nurture.
A little over four years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety. Over the past four years I have fought hard to overcome it. I've had some setbacks, but with the Lord's help and the support of my wonderful husband, I believe I am finally on the downhill slope to fully overcoming it!
I had never really talked much about the anxiety because it was a huge weakness in my life. Since I'm a very independent person I literally HATED this weakness! I didn't want anyone to know about it. I wanted everyone to see me as the strong person I was so desperately portraying. Once I finally realized that a weakness was just a strength waiting to be discovered, I was finally able to begin that epic war against the enemy (in this case anxiety) that was trying to rule my life.
There were days when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and CRY!!! It was a continual battle! And as battles go, I didn't always win. I learned that the key to overcoming my anxiety was to never ever give up. It was wonderful to know that I had the support of an amazing man, who wouldn't let me give up! Ben was always there on the bad days to help me get back up and dust myself off and GET OVER IT!
I've failed a lot in the past four years, but I learned that it got easier to get back up and move on after I'd have yet another "melt down". I learned that a failure is only a failure, when you fail to learn from it :-)
I've learned not to dwell on the depressing things in life. I've learned to grab a hold of the things that make me feel happy and complete and not let them go. I've learned that my God, my husband and my four beautiful girls mean more to me than life itself. I am not complete without them. I could never have overcome my anxiety without all three of those gifts.
My relationship with Jesus Christ enables me to be the wife and mother I need to be. I've heard ignorant people make the statement "God/religion is just a crutch for weak minded people" that is the biggest falsehood I have ever heard! How do I know that? Because before I began to delve deeper into my relationship with the my Creator, the anxiety was taking me down. I honestly did not think I would make it, I thought I was going crazy! When I took my mind off my anxiety I was able to realize that every moment I spent dwelling on my problem I became weaker.
Five Keys to Overcoming Anxiety: 1) Cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ. Without Him we cannot succeed. 2) Support. My husband was my one man support team. You need to find someone who is optimistic. Someone with whom you are not afraid to be real, someone who wants you to be strong and beat this. 3) Learn what brings you down & avoid it. In my case it was talk radio. I have not listened to it in four years. There were some people that I had to stay away from until I was strong enough not allow their pessimism to affect me. 4) Take your vitamins!!! Vitamin B-12 helps your nervous system and actually helps reduce anxiety. I actually started taking a combination of B-12 & Adaptuit which changed my life! You can check it out by going to this link. http://tinyurl.com/b53xmag 5) Exercise!!! For me it was running, but if that doesn't work for you, then find something that can help you sweat out your frustrations so they don't own you.
I hope that you will beat your anxiety this year!!! This is your year!!! I would love to hear your stories, so feel free to e-mail me or comment on this post.
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Everyone Wants to be Loved
Deep in the heart of every individual there is a burning desire a desperate plea to be loved by someone. We all feel it, it is a God given desire for a meaningful relationship. There is no one who truly does not care if they are loved or not. Some spend their lives trying to convince others they need no one, wanting people to believe they are completely "self sufficient" when truly they are dying inside because of the rejection they feel.
They say "sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me..." I believe this to be the biggest falsehood of all time. Not only do spoken words make one feel unloved and rejected, it's the unspoken words that can have an even more devastating affect on a life! Have you ever heard someone say "My Mom/Dad never told me he/she loved me... they never said they were proud of me" You see, it's the unspoken words that can lead to a lifetime of feeling worthless, as if you mean nothing to no one.
In the heart of everyone there is a "God-sized hole" that only He can fill. Your spouse may try to fill that space or rather you may try to fill that space with them, but until we know who we are in Christ we can never truly feel that we are worth something. Until we give the hurt and rejection over to Jesus we will never truly feel accepted.
Maybe your parents never told you they loved you, and since you were a child you've felt unwanted and worthless. Until you are able to give that hurt to Christ you will never know what true love feels like and you will never be able to love completely.
What makes a 15 year old girl give her virginity to a 19 year old guy? It's that yearning to be loved, she never had much a father figure in her life, he was to self absorbed to see that his daughter needed the love of her father. So she started looking for that love and affection in another way... what made that 19 year old guy take advantage of that girl? It was his own need to feel accepted and loved. His Dad was absent most of his life and he was never taught how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
It seems to be an endless cycle in our culture. The more we serve the god of "ME" the less love we are able to show to our children and our spouse. The more we are consumed with "me" and "my" needs the less we are able to see that we are losing our focus on "them".
I'm a stay at home mom and at times it is challenging to put my family first. I've had to miss countless ladies nights because my husband was working late (not by choice but by necessity). I'm not perfect and I can admit that I have thrown some huge pity parties, whistles and streamers included! At times I've caught myself thinking that I am "owed" some "me time"! I'm not saying that we mom's should sacrifice every minute of every day and never get time to ourselves, we need occasional time to "regroup". What I am saying is that a mother should not get used too much "me time". I've saw a devoted momma become so consumed with "me time" that she left the family and began reliving her youth. That's when the cycle begins. That mother or father who decides they are "owed" that time becomes so caught up in their own needs that they fail to see that little girl or boy who's only need at that stage in their life is to feel accepted and loved by their parent... enter pregnant 15 year old girl.
My challenge to you is simple. Lets start making our family our focus instead of becoming bitter that we're stuck at home all day with 4 kids. Break the cycle! Lets try giving that desperately needed love and affection to our children. Lets quit nagging and wearing down that amazing man who's worked hard all day to provide for your family, and start showing him how much you appreciate his sacrifice! You'll be surprised at how much of an affect breaking that cycle will have on your marriage and on the self confidence level of your children and your husband and even yourself!
They say "sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me..." I believe this to be the biggest falsehood of all time. Not only do spoken words make one feel unloved and rejected, it's the unspoken words that can have an even more devastating affect on a life! Have you ever heard someone say "My Mom/Dad never told me he/she loved me... they never said they were proud of me" You see, it's the unspoken words that can lead to a lifetime of feeling worthless, as if you mean nothing to no one.
In the heart of everyone there is a "God-sized hole" that only He can fill. Your spouse may try to fill that space or rather you may try to fill that space with them, but until we know who we are in Christ we can never truly feel that we are worth something. Until we give the hurt and rejection over to Jesus we will never truly feel accepted.
Maybe your parents never told you they loved you, and since you were a child you've felt unwanted and worthless. Until you are able to give that hurt to Christ you will never know what true love feels like and you will never be able to love completely.
What makes a 15 year old girl give her virginity to a 19 year old guy? It's that yearning to be loved, she never had much a father figure in her life, he was to self absorbed to see that his daughter needed the love of her father. So she started looking for that love and affection in another way... what made that 19 year old guy take advantage of that girl? It was his own need to feel accepted and loved. His Dad was absent most of his life and he was never taught how a man is supposed to treat a woman.
It seems to be an endless cycle in our culture. The more we serve the god of "ME" the less love we are able to show to our children and our spouse. The more we are consumed with "me" and "my" needs the less we are able to see that we are losing our focus on "them".
I'm a stay at home mom and at times it is challenging to put my family first. I've had to miss countless ladies nights because my husband was working late (not by choice but by necessity). I'm not perfect and I can admit that I have thrown some huge pity parties, whistles and streamers included! At times I've caught myself thinking that I am "owed" some "me time"! I'm not saying that we mom's should sacrifice every minute of every day and never get time to ourselves, we need occasional time to "regroup". What I am saying is that a mother should not get used too much "me time". I've saw a devoted momma become so consumed with "me time" that she left the family and began reliving her youth. That's when the cycle begins. That mother or father who decides they are "owed" that time becomes so caught up in their own needs that they fail to see that little girl or boy who's only need at that stage in their life is to feel accepted and loved by their parent... enter pregnant 15 year old girl.
My challenge to you is simple. Lets start making our family our focus instead of becoming bitter that we're stuck at home all day with 4 kids. Break the cycle! Lets try giving that desperately needed love and affection to our children. Lets quit nagging and wearing down that amazing man who's worked hard all day to provide for your family, and start showing him how much you appreciate his sacrifice! You'll be surprised at how much of an affect breaking that cycle will have on your marriage and on the self confidence level of your children and your husband and even yourself!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Staying Fit For Your Marriage?
I know it sounds insane doesn't it? It changed OUR life!!!
Think about it! When you exercise, your body releases endorphin's. This is a chemical that acts like a drug to stimulate that on top of the world feeling when you complete an important task or reach a climatic milestone in your life. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about endorphin's:
Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opiod peptides that function as neurotransmitters.[1] They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.
Think about it! When you exercise, your body releases endorphin's. This is a chemical that acts like a drug to stimulate that on top of the world feeling when you complete an important task or reach a climatic milestone in your life. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about endorphin's:
Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opiod peptides that function as neurotransmitters.[1] They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.
The term implies a pharamacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation. It consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."[5]
When I started running I had absolutely no idea what it would do for my body, my self esteem and yes my MARRIAGE!!! I started running because I HATED to waste time working out to stupid workout video's. In my opinion it was a complete waste of my time. If I started running and worked on my speed I could work out my whole body in a short amount of time and be done with it.
When I started running I had absolutely no idea what it would do for my body, my self esteem and yes my MARRIAGE!!! I started running because I HATED to waste time working out to stupid workout video's. In my opinion it was a complete waste of my time. If I started running and worked on my speed I could work out my whole body in a short amount of time and be done with it.
I've always struggled with my body image and self esteem. I wasn't a depressed person but I was prone to, let's call them "melancholy moments." I'd had some issues with anxiety and had begun the up hill struggle to recovery and it was going well. When I began to run... WOW!!! What an amazing rush!!! I started noticing an improvement in my confidence levels, my online courses also gave me a boost, but I wonder if I'd have even made the decision to take those courses if I hadn't started running? For the first time in my life "I could do it!!!" Could do what? "I could do anything!" I even started learning Italian which has been on my bucket list for quite a while (along with actually going to Italy and going on a three mile run with George Bush... not in Italy.)
Of course I also noticed a change in my physical appearance, I wasn't over weight by any means at 130 lbs I looked great according to my husband ;-)... but that wasn't enough for me. I didn't "feel" like I looked great. When a woman doesn't feel good about herself it's hard to be adventurous in the bedroom and I was definitely NOT adventurous and I was assuredly not comfortable instigating "romantic encounters". After almost 12 years of marriage you'd think it'd be like clock work. It wasn't! I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and it affected our sex life.
Running has changed our marriage and much to my husbands delight it's changed our sex life!
I thought I was the only one noticing these changes in myself until one day I was talking to Ben about how great I've felt since I've started running. He told me he'd noticed the changes as well and was more than happy to start running with me when he could... especially since he often gets lucky after we have good run... ;-)
Of course I also noticed a change in my physical appearance, I wasn't over weight by any means at 130 lbs I looked great according to my husband ;-)... but that wasn't enough for me. I didn't "feel" like I looked great. When a woman doesn't feel good about herself it's hard to be adventurous in the bedroom and I was definitely NOT adventurous and I was assuredly not comfortable instigating "romantic encounters". After almost 12 years of marriage you'd think it'd be like clock work. It wasn't! I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and it affected our sex life.
Running has changed our marriage and much to my husbands delight it's changed our sex life!
I thought I was the only one noticing these changes in myself until one day I was talking to Ben about how great I've felt since I've started running. He told me he'd noticed the changes as well and was more than happy to start running with me when he could... especially since he often gets lucky after we have good run... ;-)
19px;">The purpose of this post is not about weight loss, it's about getting healthy and fit for the benefits it will produce in your life! When you feel great about yourself it will show in everything you do!
If you're having marriage/bedroom issues, get out there and start getting fit! It's contagious so pretty soon your spouse will be by your side getting in on your high.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Greater Love Hath No Man Than This
In a little over a month we will observe the one year
anniversary of the F5 tornado that hit our fair city of Joplin on May 22, 2011.
The storm caused record breaking
destruction and death. Families and
friends are still mourning the loss of loved ones. Fathers, sons, daughters, mothers and
husbands…
I can remember so
many tragic losses that day, 18 year Will
Norton torn from his father’s arms, Rusty
Howard and his two children died in the Home Depot. With the death toll at 158 there are so many
tragic stories, but among the tragedy there are beautiful tales of heroism and
personal sacrifice. There were those who
gave all. I’d like to talk about just
such a man.
Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved
the church, and gave himself for it.”
The name Don Lansaw may not mean anything to many of you,
but to those of us who saw this tragedy firsthand, the name Don Lansaw reminds us
of loves ultimate sacrifice. When the
tornado was bearing down on their Joplin home, Don’s first reaction was not that
of self-preservation. Don’s last act of love towards his wife
Bethany, was to throw his body over hers to protect her from the brunt of the
hit. Don literally laid his life down
for his wife!
As I sat at my
computer a few days after the storm and watched Bethany tell their story, tears
streamed down my face. How can you ever
compare any other to that? Even today as
I watched it again I cried as Bethany spoke of how much love Don had. As devastating as this story is, I can’t help
but see the beauty in it.
The kind of love Don showed for Bethany was not just love! It’s what the Greek language refers to as “agape” love. “Agápe
(ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day
Greek, such as in the terms 'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love
you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper
sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by
"eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love
chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New
Testament as sacrificial love…. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to
express the unconditional love of God. Before
agape love there was no other word to express such great love.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love)
What an amazing love!
What an amazing gift! To be loved
by someone who was willing to pay the ultimate price for love!
I know every man will say that they are willing to give
their lives for their children and their wives, but not many men are put to the
test. Don proved once and for all his
love for his beautiful wife of six years, when he said “I love you” with his
life. What a beautiful example of
sacrificial love! I know Bethany would
much rather have her husband than have the story to tell. My prayers are with her today as I think of
her great loss.
John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this…”
If you’d like to see Bethany share their story cut and paste this
link. http://youtu.be/IuA5193SBpM
Friday, February 3, 2012
Leroy & Helen
Leroy and Helen met in the Summer of 1950 at a youth rally
in a neighboring town. She was sitting
in the balcony with her friends when she spotted a tall good looking guy in the
audience down below, she got his attention by throwing tiny pieces of paper
down at him. I can see her now giggling
with her friends. She still had a bit of
that sparkle in her eyes when I met her.
Apparently she got his attention, they married six months later! They
had three or four children together.
I’m still not sure how many children they have. You see by the time I met Leroy and Helen the alzheimers had already begun to erase those beautiful memories from her mind,
and since he doesn’t talk much I couldn’t tell you. She has two wedding sets, one that he gave
her when they married in 1950 and one from their 25th wedding
anniversary. She still wears them both, but the story she used to tell me about
them is forgotten, and that sparkle in her eye is gone. Now she’s just confused.
Helen showed up at my house the other day in tears because she
couldn’t get her locket fastened and Leroy’s hands are too shaky. In her mind
she knows it’s something special but that memory is gone as well. She told me she just won’t take it off
anymore so she won’t lose it. We talked
for a while over some Earl Grey, biscuits and Lemon Curd. I kept having to console her, she’d just
start saying “I just don’t know…” and then begin crying again. She’s always telling me that no one wants her
around. I always assure her that I want
her and that she’s welcome here any time.
While I know she doesn’t remember my name, somehow she knows she can
come to me and cry.
I talked with Leroy today and with tears in his eyes and
despondent look on his old face, he told me he thinks he’s going to have to put
her in a home. He just can’t do it
anymore. Whenever he sleeps during the
day time she ends up over at my house, she keeps him up at all hours of the
night talking non- stop. I joked with
him that’s just because she’s a woman.
We both laughed, but we know that the inevitable is just around the
corner. I can see the exhaustion on his
face. He doesn’t want to let go of her
but for her safety and his health, he knows it must be done.
When I came home after cleaning up at their home for a bit,
I sat at the kitchen table and cried. My
heart aches for the memories that are forever lost and for the love that Helen
can no longer remember. Leroy told me
that half the time she doesn’t remember him and wonders “why doesn’t my husband
call me?” My heart aches for him because
the hardest thing is having her with him, yet she is lost to him. To her he’s become a stranger.
The purpose of this post is to remind all of us to love our
husband/wife and treat them like they mean the world to us while we can. A day may come when our love story ends as
Leroy and Helen’s has. Love fervently,
love unconditionally and love often. Don’t
waste your time fighting about petty things that really don’t matter. Don’t break each other’s heart. Work out your difficulties. You’ll never
regret staying together, but you will regret all the times you withheld your
love when you should have just forgiven.
Make every moment count.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
The Slow Fade
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
By Casting Crowns
I was thinking the other day about a couple who married a few months after Ben and I. Their marriage ended two years ago and it still causes a twinge when I think about it. My heart is heavy when I see them separate. So many times we look at these lives and wonder when the change began, when did it begin to fall apart? When did they just get sick of working it out and decided to go their separate ways? I don't think there's really an answer to that question. There have been times in our own marriage when I was just sick of trying, sick of working things out and disgusted with the roller coaster that we seemed to be on! The marriages that fall apart are no different than ours! In every marriage there are obstacles to over come and challenges to be met.
 |
| Ben & I |
I've heard these lines so many times, "we're just going in different directions now..." or "we just fell out of love." I can see what they mean when they say they're going in different directions, although, I don't think the marriage has to end because of that. If you stick around you'll realize there's more common ground than you thought. Ben and I have went through phases in our lives when I really did wonder how we were going to make it work, our goals just seemed so different. So yes, you do change and grow up and you definitely are different than when you first married, but keep in mind, you married that man/woman for better or for worse. The problem is when you give yourself an out then you're less likely to make the marriage last when the going gets tough. I know that affairs are hard things to work through, but I have saw it done with my own eyes!! They made it through! You can do anything you set your mind to, whether it be running a marathon, skydiving and yes, even saving your marriage. You've just gotta want it bad enough. I've saw a marriage shaken from the affects of a husband who was addicted to porn survive. I've saw a marriage survive when the husband was an alcoholic (now recovered). In each of these situations they all had one thing in common, they wanted to work things out, and that's what it all comes down to.
You can't fall out of love because love isn't a feeling or an emotion, it's a decision you make every day of your life! I wake up every morning and decided to love Ben. Now that doesn't mean that we have the perfect marriage, and we have some BAD days. We've had weeks go by that we just couldn't seem to quit fighting! We'd get over one argument and work it out and an hour later we'd be disagreeing about something else! It's emotionally taxing sometimes, but I'm glad that I know Ben is as dedicated to making our marriage work as I am. You're marriage doesn't just have to work, it can become an amazing journey!
So, as of today... I LOVE MY MARRIAGE!!! It's the best decision I've ever made, and that guy I married? Yeah, he's turned into one amazing man. He's been a wonderful friend, companion and lover! Hopefully we have a lot of "good" days left!
 |
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)