I know of an elderly woman who's been alone for years. Her husband left her long ago. I've always felt so sorry for her and prayed that her prayers for his return would be answered. I'd never given it much thought, about why he left her. I just assumed he let his relationship with God go (that was part of it I'm sure). As I was talking to a friend one day for some reason this ladies name came up in the conversation and I asked the question "why do you suppose he left her alone like that?" The poor woman is poorer than poor and barely gets by at all! This person told me something that has stuck with me ever since and has changed the way I respond to my husbands "brain schemes" as I like to call them!
When I asked the question my "friend" told me that once he was talking with her husband and he said "she was always so negative!" She chased him away with her constant questioning his decision making abilities. When he would decide to do something her standard retort was "I don't think that's a good idea." or "Do you really think we should?" The constant questioning his abilities finally wore him down and coupled with a weak relationship with God, he finally split. He moved on to someone who appreciated him, someone who wanted to hear his brain schemes and offered no judgement when she didn't agree with his ideas.
There was a time when I reacted the same way when Ben would come up with some grand scheme. I'd roll my eyes sometimes and then other times I'd say something like. "We can't afford that!" or "I don't think that's a good idea..." My poor husband! A negative attitude is no fun to be around and boy am I good at being negative!" I'm daily retraining my brain to think and say positive things instead of instantly jumping on the negative band wagon.
Debi Pearl talks about this very subject in her book "Created to be His Help Meet." In chapter 10 "Reactions Define You" she says "You are created to be your husband's helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic."
Debi addresses a lot of deep issues in her book but one thing that I took away from it is "support". I want my husband to know that he can always turn to me when he has a new idea an know that I'll listen and not try to "guide" him with my deep spiritual insights! The Lord really had to do a work in my heart and is still working. Now when Ben comes up with yet another great idea, I listen quietly and when he's finished I keep my negative thoughts to myself. I say something like "Wow honey, I think you'd be great at that!" Do you know what I've learned? Many times all my husband is wanting to do is find out if I believe in him or not! He's had all kinds of ideas about different vocation or ministry idea's in the past five years since the Lord's been working on me about supporting him and guess what! He's not quit his job or moved us across the country to pioneer a church or become evangelists; what he needed to know is that should he ever feel the need to change jobs or feel the Lord leading us into a different ministry I'd be with him 100%. Who knows? We may move before the year's out and no I don't relish the thought of leaving family and friends to strike out in a new town or state, but I do know that I will follow my man wherever he feels we're needed. This is easier for me knowing that my husband prays about every decision a long while before he makes it, he's proved to me in the past 10 1/2 years that he doesn't just jump into a new idea without considering how our family will be affected. He makes decisions for "us" not just to make himself happy. Yeah, I know I'm a blessed woman... my man is perfect for me!
*I found this article to be quite interesting, and am slightly surprised it comes from a secular point of view... I thought it was worth the read and wanted to share it. Just cut and paste this url...
http://tinyurl.com/3musywp
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