Part 2 of "Sex! It Isn't a Dirty Word!"

Week 2

The second step I took was rather a big one.   I organized my days so that at bed time I wasn’t completely exhausted and even scheduled a nap if I was especially tired that day.

Let's face it, we all have time for the things we want to make time for.  If you're married then your marriage should be a priority, and making time for “love making” with your man is vitally important to the success of your marriage!


 Many times we put our time and energy into things that we feel are important to us, whether it be our hobby, entertaining or pouring ourselves into our children.  These things are important, but if you are married then your marriage should become your favorite and most important “hobby”.   Yes, you should do well in your marriage you should want to perfect it as best you can.  I’m not saying you have to be the perfect little wife who does everything right, but you should take as much pride in your marriage as you do with the other important areas of your life. 

Here’s one way to think of it.   They say “behind every great man is a great woman.”  Who’s standing behind those men who seem like failures?  Is it a wife who’s always second guessing him or who is never “in the mood” for sex? 

“Well, that’s just crazy!  Not getting regular sex can’t make a man a failure!”

I beg to differ with you…  depending on the man, sex can make all the difference in the performance of his day to day duties or even his lifelong goals.  If you have a man who is fine with once a week love making that’s fine, however if you have a man who has a stronger libido then “giving in” to him once a week will only hold him back!  It’s true! 

Here’s another secret… men hate it when you “give in”.  They don’t want their wife to give in and “have sex with them” they want us to be active, interested participators.  For the most part men want it to be “good for us” as too, but they’ll take it out of necessity if you just “give in”.  In I Corinthians 7:3 Paul says  “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”  Did you ever wonder what “due benevolence” was?  It’s “good” sex!  Not just the “oh alright if you’re gonna whine about it” kind of sex, but the sex where you are both enjoying being with each other!  If you read thru the Bible especially the Song of Solomon, you see that God means for sex between you and your husband to be a wonderful experience! 

So, take the time to plan for sex like you would for anything else you really “want” to do!  It’ll be well worth it!  And when people see that awesome man of yours preforming well at work or at whatever he sets his mind to they’ll be thinking “I bet he has one amazing woman at home!”  And you know what?  They’ll be right!

SEX… It Isn’t a Dirty Word!

Heb 13:4 says,  “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”    For so many years this subject has gone unexamined, and many marriages have suffered because of it. 

Week 1

Before I was married, I knew a little about sex, but I was pretty sheltered!  I went into marriage a virgin and I do not regret my inexperience.  It was fun learning all about this wonderful relationship with the love of my life!  I do however wish I’d been given some pointers.   I knew that sex was reserved for marriage, but I did not realize how big and how important of a roll it takes in the union of a man and woman!  

My husband and I didn’t experience any issues with this area of our married relationship until about six years into it.  We had two children by then and I had started feeling the effects of “sleep deprivation” so that when it was bed time, all I wanted to do was fall into bed and do nothing but … sleep!  My husband tried to be understanding in the beginning but for some men going for 1 and 2 weeks sometimes more without any action… well, it’s like taking heroin from a druggy!  That is NOT an exaggeration!  You see, when two people are intimately involved your body releases a bonding agent called oxytocin and works sort of like a drug.  It’s what causes an abused woman to go back to her husband/boyfriend.  It’s sort of like a trust serum.   When you go for a period of time without physical touch it causes you to act sort of irrational.  It’s more present in men, but I do know of some women who are more sexually dominant than their husbands.  When they go without sex they become moody and sort of irrational.  For women,  it will cause mood swings, and bouts of crying!  My husband has spent the past three years teaching and studying oxytocin, I’m trying to get him to guest blog for me on this subject.  It’s quite an amazing study!

I’m going to go out on a limb her and say that most marriage issues start in the bedroom… So the next time your husband’s grouchy and short tempered?  Take it to the bedroom literally!  I know you’re thinking how?  I am so tired I can’t even think of anything else!  I know exactly where you’re coming from!  Something that opened my eyes to meeting my husband’s needs was reading “Created to be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl,  the section in their about giving your husbands “good sex” convicted me!  It’s in Chapter 16.  It caused me to think about what kind of sex I’d been giving to my husband and I didn’t like what I saw.  Half the time I was reluctant and not really into it.  Poor guy!  He must have thought “wow, is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of our lives?” 

So how did I start “getting in “the mood?”  My first step was to pray about it!  Yes, I really did!  You see, once I realized that God cared about our sex life as a husband and wife, I decided that He wouldn’t mind if I talked to Him about it.  If you think I’m crazy read your Bible!  Song of Solomon is filled with sexy stories!  After reading Linda Dillow’s book “What’s It Like to be Married to Me?” I read quite a bit out of that particular book.  And I found out a lot about God’s idea of sex in a married relationship.  I mean we all agree that the Bible is God’s inspired word right?  If we believe that then we will try to work on our sexual relationship with our man.  If need be do your own study on the subject and see what you come up with!

That’s all I’m going to write for this week, but I will be posting more within the next couple of weeks.  There’s so much I’ve learned personally on this subject that I can’t fit it all into one blog.  So be checking back in the coming weeks for more on this amazing study!

If you’d like to read more on oxytocin check out this site, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin  it’s a great start.  And like I said, I’m going to try to convince my husband to be a guest blogger as soon as possible so be watching for that as well.