Convenient

I was thinking today about how many marriages I know of that have fallen apart after only a few short years and it broke my heart.  There are so many of my husband and I's friends who got married around the same time frame (2000-01) as we did and have already ended in divorce.  I'm not writing this to make us sound like we have the "perfect" marriage, but to let you know that your marriage CAN last!

Our lives have become so easy and convenient that when something actually presents a challenge for us we tend to give up on it. I've got so many gadgets at my disposal to help make my cooking and cleaning easier that our home has no excuse to be anything but immaculate; however, as of this moment it's in total disarray!  But definitely not for lack of resources!  My home is this way because I didn't up keep this week, I let other things come before my house.  Had I taken care of each individual mess as it appeared I wouldn't be feeling guilty about blogging when I should be cleaning!

Our marriages are much the same.  We have all the tools we need to have an outstanding marriage. Marriage councilors are a dime a dozen, and there's several new marriage books every year (by the way, I've got dibs on "Marriage For Dummies)  we even have sexual councilors to help us get our sex life back on track.  There are unlimited resources out there that we can tap into that all promise a better marriage.  I hate to break it to you, but no matter how many books you read or councilors you go to you will never have a great marriage if you want to do it the "easy way".  There is no easy way to a beautiful marriage.  Every good marriage takes lots of time and work.  You've got to "want" to make it work, there has to be something in you that wants to work it!  I know that some marriages may have too much baggage to work out, maybe your husband was/is abusive or a cheater. I'm not saying stay in a dangerous situation.  If your husband hits you DO NOT stay in that marriage!  He must get some serious therapy before you should try to work on saving!

I'm not suggesting that you go out and buy up all the marriage/relationship books or start going to a  councilor.  Although if you are having serious issues that's definitely advisable!  I think that romantic movies and novels have put false expectations in many women's minds.  We've got it in our heads that our husbands have to make grand gestures all the time and daily woo us and sweep us off our feet.  I was once told when I was a teenager.  "You're not going to find a perfect guy out there, and if you do what makes you think he's gonna want you?"  I admit that does sound a bit harsh but there is an element to truth to that statement.  We're waiting on our husbands to reach "perfection" and we forget about the fact that we've many issues ourselves.

You've heard the saying "you are what you eat." I say "your marriage is what you make it!"  If you are feeding your marriage all the junk the Hollywood puts out on a regular basis you will eventually become dissatisfied in your own marriage and begin picking away at all the habits that annoy you about your husband.  Instead of being focused on the things about him that you fell in love with you will suddenly become totally aware of his shortcomings and failures.  He'll become distant because his sick of the nagging and you'll become increasingly lonely when he's out with the guys or traveling on business until one day you wake up and you don't have a clue why you married this stranger!  Concentrating on the negative WILL have negative results.

My challenge to you is a simple little game:  for one week every time you think of one negative thought about your husband for any reason you must erase it with 3 positive.  At the end of the week sit down and write a list of all the positive things about your man.  Don't rush through it!  If you have to take all day do it, ponder it and each time you think of another wonderful or maybe just good thing about him write it down.  Next week I'll add another rule to the challenge.  Since there are four weeks each month there will be four steps to the challenge.

As I said in my first post "What If" a marriage is a two way street and there needs to be give on both ends, but someone has to start it, why not you?!