A Marriage Requirement

The other day as  I sat reminiscing back to the early days of our marriage, a thought struck me.  It's a very elementary concept and I cannot believe that we were into our sixth year of marriage before I learned and embraced it.

Here it is... F- O- R- G- I- V- I- N- E- S- S.  I believe this should be the cornerstone of every marriage.  We've been married going on 11 years now and I am still perfecting the skill!  In our earlier years when Ben would do something to "hurt my feelings" I would of course do the usual "female pout" so that he knew I was really hurt.  He then would drag out of me what he had done, which was usually nothing quite as awful as I was letting on!  And could usually be chalked up to "hormonal" issues. One instance I remember my husband apologizing to me for what he'd done (I have no recollection of what his offense was), but instead of saying yes I forgive you and forgetting about it. I'm ashamed to say I didn't speak to him again for probably another full day!  That was beyond just childish behavior, in fact a child would have offered forgiveness!  I wanted him to suffer though.  Can you believe that?  I love my husband dearly and yet I withheld my forgiveness from because I wanted to hurt him.

One of the sections in Debi Pearl's book "Created to Be His Help Meet" talks about not forgiving our man immediately and how childish that sort of behavior is.  Now can you see how this book made a difference in me?  I was quite spoiled acting back then!  After I read several sections of the book I went to my husband and apologized for how I had been treating him and told him that I would do better. I like to think that I have, although I am very much human and as imperfect as they come. 


The attitude I had been having was one of "vengeance" and it is clearly spoken of in Rom 12:19  "...Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord."  Christ commands us to forgive and let Him take care of the person whom you feel offended you.  If we bottle up vengeance in our hearts or our marriage we will destroy ourselves and our marriage.  No one wants to be married to an individual who holds a grudge and brings up past mistakes every time their feelings are hurt!  Not only is it exhausting to hold on to bitterness, it's unhealthy!  Did you know that the Mayo Clinic did a study on this very subject?  Here's part of an article I read on their web sight.

What is forgiveness?

Generally, forgiveness is a decision to let go of resentment and thoughts of revenge. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life, but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act. Forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life.

What are the benefits of forgiving someone?

Letting go of grudges and bitterness makes way for compassion, kindness and peace. Forgiveness can lead to:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater spiritual and psychological well-being
• Less stress and hostility
• Lower blood pressure
• Fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety and chronic pain
• Lower risk of alcohol and substance abuse

To read the entire article click on this link

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131

I am so glad that Jesus didn't forgive me the way I used to forgive!  When I ask Jesus' forgiveness, I can rest assured that my wrong will never be brought back up again!  Now I try to think about that each time I'm wronged by anyone not just my husband, and I feel I my hurt feelings are justified.  How would Jesus forgive?  Jesus would forgive immediately and He would forgive completely!  A lot of times in our relationships we will say the words "I forgive you" with our mouths, but our hearts are filled with bitterness. This is not forgiveness at all!  

Has your husband or close friend wronged you?  Yes, your feelings maybe justified, but how about letting it go?  Depending on how long you've been holding on it may be a little harder to do, but believe me. Learning to forgive completely has truly saved our marriage.  It's hard to forgive when you've truly been done wrong, that's why He said "... vengeance is mine "I" will repay."  We don't have to worry about it!  Let go of the bitterness and let God take care of the rest, you will never be sorry you did!