You’ve Lost Your Mystery, Now What? Part II

In my last post we talked about being positive and looking at life with “the glass is half full” mindset.  Believe me this will go a long way in regaining your guys attention.  Not that you ever lost his attraction, maybe he’s just been looking for that sweet girl he married! 

Let’s be honest ladies.  None of us are that carefree girl we were when we snagged our handsome man and that’s natural and healthy.  The healthy part being, that we’ve matured (hopefully), but becoming uptight and just plain ol’ no fun however is not healthy for our marriage.  This leads me to my next point.

BE SPONTANIOUS!!!  Whether it’s in the bedroom or maybe it’s just dropping your mop and forgetting the house is a mess and running to Mc Donald’s for Hot Fudge Sundays with the family! This is the thing I struggle with the most. 

Since my husband is a psychology teacher he has little personality tests lying around.  While flying to California last week for a wedding, he pulled one out and asked me some questions.  Come to find out I have all but one of the traits for the personality disorder Obsessive Compulsive (OCD).  So as you can imagine, it’s really hard for me to just drop things and run.  Especially when it comes to my house!  I can’t handle a mess, and getting used to living with four very messy daughters has been quite a challenge for me.  I don’t always handle things the way I should  and that has caused some strife in our marriage.  My husband is not a messy, and leads more towards the OCD but he’s also laid back and is VERY good at just leaving it all and coming back to start again refreshed.  He’s been good for me!  I am a work in progress!

Being spontaneous in the bedroom is a little harder for me as it is for a lot of women.  When I have a million things on my mind, it’s hard to think sexy thoughts!  I used to get aggravated at Ben when he’d get in a bad mood when he hadn’t “gotten any” lately, it was a mystery to my why on earth he reacted that way.  To my shock and surprise in the past year or so I’ve found that Ben isn’t the only one who gets grouchy when they aren’t “getting any”!  I’ve paid attention and have learned that we are more likely to pick fights and get grouchy with each other when we aren’t having sex regularly. Go figure!!!   I’ve found that sex is vitally important to our marriage, so I’ve adjusted the way I think about it.  I make it a habit to put on sexy underwear, and about every two or three months I go online and buy myself a sexy nighty.  Sometimes I buy things that I like and sometimes it’s something Ben will like.  It’s amazing how spontaneous you can feel when you’re feeling sexy!

You’ve Lost Your Mystery, Now What?

If you’re anything like me,  (I think I’m a pretty average woman) at some point during your marriage you’ve started feeling like you’ve lost that special something that lured your man and made him fall desperately in love with you. 

Let’s face it, we’re no longer 19, we don’t feel 19 and once again if you’re like me you definitely don’t look 19 anymore!!!  I’ve managed to keep the weight off and I keep myself pretty active so that helps; but there’s the lose skin and stretch marks from four pregnancies, I quit tanning bed’s years ago due to health concerns…I’m tired most of the time and I just don’t feel exiting anymore!  We have a pretty good sex life and I still wear the sexy nighties (you’d be amazed at how much of a difference what you where to bed makes :-), but sometimes I wonder if my guy is still excited about me?  My stomach still does those little flip flops when he walks into the room, when he stops and puts his hand on the small of my back or when he wears blue jeans and a white t-shirt… talk about distracting!  I’ve always felt like I was the lucky one in our relationship!  If you’ve looked at my profile picture you’d know what I mean, my husband is one good looking guy!  How do I make sure that he’s still as excited about me as I am about having snagged him?

For this blog I talked to my best friend about her little antics, what she does to keep that mystery how she keeps her man coming back for more!   

My best friend (Married 8 years) said, “I pamper myself! I wear a color he likes me in, shave my legs… take my time fixing my hair.  Sometimes I think back to when we were dating and try to remember how I acted then that attracted him to me.”  There’s some great advice!  She also said that the one thing her husband hates is that “sometimes I don’t know how to relax and chill, have a good time!  He likes it when I’m positive…” 

Ouch!   There’s I touchy one!  I’ve asked my husband what he wants most in his woman and of course his mind went straight to the gutter!  After I got him back on the right path he said that what he wants most from me is “a positive attitude.”  Guys have enough negativity coming at them from every side all day, the last thing they want is to get hit in the face with it when they walk through the door!   I’m not saying we’re supposed to be Pollyanna 24/7, God knows I’m not!   That’s something I’ve worked hard on for the past few years.  I used to go straight to the worst case scenario.  Ben’s been so patient with me during this time of retraining my brain to think positively.  I’d like to be able to say that I’ve mastered the art of optimism but I haven’t.  I am working on it though.  Guess what, guys don’t want perfection, they just want to know that you’re theirs to keep!

Since I try to keep my blogs a short read I will be continuing this one at a later date!  There’s definitely more where this came from!