SEX… It Isn’t a Dirty Word!

Week Three

Heb 13:4  “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”

The third and final thing I did on my road to sexual intimacy with my husband, was act on what I’d been reading and studying about sex.   If you are like me you just feel uncomfortable getting out of your comfort zone!  That was my biggest obstacle in my journey. ( I’m not suggesting  you do anything that feels wrong… Sodomy, for instance, is not only wrong, but it’s unhealthy and I don’t believe that it’s part of God design for sex.) What I am suggesting is that you try new things with your man!  A lot of men are dying to get out of the “sexual rut” they’re in!  For some men that’s their reason or one of the leading factors in entering into an affair.  I am not saying that if your husband has had an affair it is your fault because you’re not good in bed or something!  But we as wives have the power to make our bedroom his favorite place to be! 

What I’m getting at here is that we need to revive what we had when we were in the first few weeks or months of our marriage.  So many couples think that can’t be done.  I completely disagree!  No we aren’t able to do it whenever the “mood” strikes us anymore, but sometimes that’s half the fun right?  Getting the kids off to bed and then time for some “alone time” with your roommate…  FLIRT with him again!  My husband has told me on several occasions that he “loves it when you flirt with me!” 

I know you’re all thinking “so how do we spice it up?”  That’s the easy part!  I’m going to let you in on a little secret… I hadn’t bought any nighties for myself until… ok let’s just say we’d been married  for way to long for me to have not taken some time on updating my “arsenal” as I like to call it.  I happen to be a very big “penny pincher” and figured why invest in new nighties when I already had a whole drawer of perfectly nice ones?   Being the penny pincher that I am I did not throw out the old ones, they remind me of our beginning and I can’t throw that away.  I did however retire them!

Go through your drawer’s ladies… literally!  Throw away anything that’s not cute!  I started throwing away underwear left and right.  It meant a trip to my favorite department store for new underthings but the response I got was well worth it!   What’s funny is, Ben never once complained about my spending a little bit of money on the “arsenal”.  We’ve even joked before about selling the contents of my nighty/underwear drawer to pay off the mortgage!

Something else you HAVE to do is quit thinking of sex with your husband as something you HAVE to do,  to keep him happy!  God meant for us women to take pleasure in sex as much as our man does!  We just have to retrain our brain.  Sex isn’t a chore it’s something God gave us that is so special that He intended for us to spend our lifetime together perfecting the skill.  Yes, I said lifetime!  After all God’s intent for marriage was “till death do us part.” 

Never use this beautiful gift that God has given you and your husband as a “weapon” to teach him a lesson!
I Corinthians 7:4 “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”  Paul (who wasn’t even married mind you) is saying your body is your husbands and his is yours.  DON’T WITHHOLD it to make him pay!!!

Here’s another tip and then I will conclude.  I’ve found that a lot of the arguments we’ve had during our marriage was when we weren’t taking time for sex.  Yes, it does affect your mindset and your judgment.  You will be more likely to pick a fight with your spouse if you’ve been abstaining.  If you don’t believe it then why is it that after a wonderful “love making session” the world seems right again?   

If you think that sex is only good for the first couple of years and then you settle into a routine, think again!  It’s that routine that kills marriages.  Getting out of this routine is what will make your marriage great so get out of your rut and start spicing it up! 

Here’s a suggestion…  try “sexting”  (sending suggestive texts to him during the day) just be sure to double check who that text is going to!!!  LOL You do not want that kind of embarrassment! 

I hope these little lessons I’ve learned will help you in your “marriage journey”, may it be a beautiful and blessed one!

Books I recommend reading to enrich your marriage:  Created to be His Help Meet – Debbie Pearl ,  The 5 Love Languages (this is a great one to read together)–Gary Chapman and What’s it Like to be Married to Me-Linda Dillow.