"To hope for peace and love and gladness out of promiscuity is to hope for that which will never come." Gordon B. Hinckley
I read this quote the other day and I must say I disagree with it completely. Not because I have experienced it in my own life, but because I have saw it in my own family. I've saw a marriage ripped to shreds over promiscuity on both sides and then something miraculous happened! After years of bitterness and heart break, and "I'm going to hurt you because you hurt me." They put an end to the "crazy cycle"! Why? You may ask. For the kids! They saw the damage it was having on their children and decided to end the war. Now when I see them instead of the distance and tolerance I see love again! I'm sure it wasn't easy, but who said forgiveness was supposed to be an easy thing. It's a decision that must be made often, and in their situation I'm sure it's made every day! When I first read this quote, my mind went to the story in the Old Testament of Hosea the prophet and Gomer the prostitute. The idea of a a prophet and prostitute is quite absurd, but Hosea was told by God to "... Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms..." Hosea 1:2 God's reasoning? He wanted Hosea to see how He felt when Israel turned to other gods over and over again. Time and again the Israelites turned to other gods and then after great sorrow and persecution they turned back to the One True God, and He accepted them back with open arms! Now I'm not suggesting that a man should go and marry a prostitute so that he can test his power of forgiveness over and over or that a woman should marry a "womanizer" so that she'll become stronger at keeping her emotions from causing further conflict in her marriage.
I believe that in marriages sometimes we are to quick to say "they cheated!" and write that person off forever. Not so much out bitterness but out of fear of being hurt again. How heartbroken Hosea must have been when he had bought Gomer off the auction block after she'd been "used" by other men, only to see her leave and go back to her many lovers after a while! But each time she went back he'd go after her and bring her home and nurse her back to health, just as God did with the Israelites. Can you imagine having children with such a person? Hosea did! What an example he must have set for their children! Talk about unconditional love!
I don't believe Hosea could have kept taking Gomer back had he not had complete and total faith in God. Hosea realized that if God could keep forgiving Israel for their "whoredoms" then it was God's will for him to keep forgiving his wife. After all in the New Testament we are told to forgive "seventy times seven..."
I am not advocating for staying married to an individual who has sex for a living. Because of all the STD's out there that's dangerous for ones health and can also affect the children from birth and not if not at birth it will eventually affect them physically just being around the infected parent. In order for a heart to heal after a betrayal on this level it is important to forgive so as not to allow bitterness to ruin your life or your children's. Even if you cannot save the marriage you can keep from letting it wreck your life. Every been around someone who's let bitterness take root? It affects they way the act speak and make decisions. It's not a pretty thing!
I've saw a wife forgive her husbands porn habit over and over again. Each time she discovered he was cheating again, her heart was broken all over again and each time she had to decided to forgive and trust again. Would you believe me if I said that something beautiful became of their marriage? Not only has their marriage survived the infidelity, it has blossomed! When I see them I am amazed at the love I see there instead of the bitterness that is so often the result of such a betrayal. It's amazing what the power of forgiveness can do in a marriage!
I said all of that to say this... "Yes, you can have peace and love and gladness after promiscuity!" Will there still be scares? Most definitely. Will it be a short journey? Definitely not. Will it be hard? Most assuredly! Will it be worth it? As a bystander looking in on two different situations... it was worth it to the people who I know of who went through it and lived to tell the tale!
In order to begin again the offended person has to put aside their insecurities of being burned again, and apply the power of forgiveness. Even if at first you don't feel that you can truly forgive, making the decision over and over will finally become easier and easier until you can feel the forgiveness. It is also imperative to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, otherwise you are depending solely on your own strength and we all know that at times human strength fails, but the strength of our Heavenly Father endures forever!
I know it's easy for me to write on a subject that I have never dealt with in my own marriage, but if I ever have to cross that bridge I pray that I'll be able to take my own advice.
As always, feel free to comment. I like to hear feedback, love hearing what others have to say!
