Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of studying on childbirth and labor in order to receive my certification as a Birth Doula. As I was reading my text books something struck me. Pregnancy and childbirth are a lot like a marriage! Stop laughing and hear me out! I promise it’ll make sense when you read the rest of this post! Ok maybe not but you can read it anyway and check the little box that says funny on the end of the post. Lol
The first observation I made: On the wedding day I woke early and couldn’t go back to sleep because I was too excited to do so! Since our wedding wasn’t until 5 o’clock that evening I had a long time to wait. My feelings ranged from excitement, kind of a sick feeling and couldn’t eat much, then, I got super nervous and had to have someone pick me up some Cheddar Bites from Sonic because all of the sudden I was starving! Then I had that moment of sheer panic, the last thing I had to do was kiss my new husband in front of 200 guests! Being the shy type this terrified me.
The ceremony was soon over along with the honeymoon and then “real life” began. For about six months we did wonderful, all was well in paradise and then BANG, out of nowhere we were fighting and I had those crazy thoughts every new bride gets “I think I made the biggest mistake of my life! I married the wrong man!” Since we don’t believe in divorce, I was now stuck in a “loveless marriage”… then guess what? As quickly as the fights had begun the abated and all was well again. We worked through our issues and moved on with life and were happily married again.
All in all we’ve had ten and a half beautiful years together, and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband to love. Ben has been my strong rock when I wasn’t strong enough to care for myself physically there’s only been a few of those times that I needed his help physically. But the many times I’ve needed his help emotionally and spiritually, he’s been there strong and steady. His has truly been a labor of love that I don’t feel worthy of but thankfully God saw fit to put this amazing man in my life.
Now, in comparison: In the beginning when you first take that at home pregnancy test, or maybe you took three… anyway when you see the two lines which mean you’re pregnant (now I think it’s a + sign) at that moment we’re excited beyond words, so much so that we pick up the phone and tell your husband or best bud, now days everyone posts everything on facebook and soon our whole circle of friends and beyond know the wonderful news.
The first few months are a trying time. There are many times when you run to the bathroom to get rid of whatever you just ate that did not agree with your stomach. Then there are the smells! My house stunk for 3 or 4 months straight, the crazy thing was I’d ask Ben “what is that smell?!” He’d sniff the air and say “I don’t smell anything…” I’d light a candle (a Mia Bella of course ;-)), and continue bleaching the sink. I had a very clean house while I was pregnant. If I didn’t I’d have to spend the first few months in the bathroom!
Then, as the first fight in our marriage… the tormenting thoughts came. “Oh no! What have we done? We can’t have a baby! I don’t even know how to be a mother… what if I get it wrong?” Then the more terrifying thoughts “I have to have this baby! I’ve heard it’s a lot of pain! How will I know when to go to the hospital…?”
Finally the night arrived! I woke with steady pains that I thought I would just work through on my own. After about five minutes of that sort of thinking, I woke my groggy husband. I laugh when I think of the look on Ben’s face as he nearly fell out of the bed! It was adorable. He scrambled for his jeans and t-shirt and we were off to have our first daughter. Such excitement! Gone were the thoughts of “will I be able to be a mom?” We had but one focus, and that was getting this baby here safe and sound. I labored without pain medication for about five hours and then accepted the temptation of an epidural which stopped my labor! But all’s well that ends well right? Eleven hours after we arrived at the hospital our beautiful Natalie was born. Then of course after her three more gorgeous daughters followed!
The thing about birth and pregnancy is, that season in your life will come to an end and slowly the memories of those exciting births will fade. Oh, you’ll never forget the excitement of the births, but some of the detail will fade.
Marriages however, well, we have to keep working on those. If ever we think the labor is over and we’ve no need to work through the pains, then we will lose a very precious thing. Our marriages will go through cycles. There will be times when we think we’ve got our spouse figured out and we know how to meet their needs, and then something unexpected comes. Maybe an illness or a job loss or the death of a beloved parent, maybe you just don’t see eye to eye on an “important” issue. Whatever the “contraction” may be, it must be worked through or all is lost! You’ll never see the sweet joy that comes after the hard labor. You see, labor in a marriage never really comes to an end. The labor isn’t always painful and there are many many times of joy that make working it out so worth the time we spent.
If you want a beautiful marriage you have to be completely committed to this beautiful labor of love. I forget where I heard this, “great marriages don’t just happen.” So true, if you think you’re going to have “the perfect marriage” then think again. There are no perfect marriages, because there are no perfect people. But it is not a hopeless case if you’re willing to work at it. If you are the lazy sort and are opposed to hard work, then marriage isn’t for you for it is not a project for cowards.
