SEX… It Isn’t a Dirty Word!

Heb 13:4 says,  “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”    For so many years this subject has gone unexamined, and many marriages have suffered because of it. 

Week 1

Before I was married, I knew a little about sex, but I was pretty sheltered!  I went into marriage a virgin and I do not regret my inexperience.  It was fun learning all about this wonderful relationship with the love of my life!  I do however wish I’d been given some pointers.   I knew that sex was reserved for marriage, but I did not realize how big and how important of a roll it takes in the union of a man and woman!  

My husband and I didn’t experience any issues with this area of our married relationship until about six years into it.  We had two children by then and I had started feeling the effects of “sleep deprivation” so that when it was bed time, all I wanted to do was fall into bed and do nothing but … sleep!  My husband tried to be understanding in the beginning but for some men going for 1 and 2 weeks sometimes more without any action… well, it’s like taking heroin from a druggy!  That is NOT an exaggeration!  You see, when two people are intimately involved your body releases a bonding agent called oxytocin and works sort of like a drug.  It’s what causes an abused woman to go back to her husband/boyfriend.  It’s sort of like a trust serum.   When you go for a period of time without physical touch it causes you to act sort of irrational.  It’s more present in men, but I do know of some women who are more sexually dominant than their husbands.  When they go without sex they become moody and sort of irrational.  For women,  it will cause mood swings, and bouts of crying!  My husband has spent the past three years teaching and studying oxytocin, I’m trying to get him to guest blog for me on this subject.  It’s quite an amazing study!

I’m going to go out on a limb her and say that most marriage issues start in the bedroom… So the next time your husband’s grouchy and short tempered?  Take it to the bedroom literally!  I know you’re thinking how?  I am so tired I can’t even think of anything else!  I know exactly where you’re coming from!  Something that opened my eyes to meeting my husband’s needs was reading “Created to be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl,  the section in their about giving your husbands “good sex” convicted me!  It’s in Chapter 16.  It caused me to think about what kind of sex I’d been giving to my husband and I didn’t like what I saw.  Half the time I was reluctant and not really into it.  Poor guy!  He must have thought “wow, is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of our lives?” 

So how did I start “getting in “the mood?”  My first step was to pray about it!  Yes, I really did!  You see, once I realized that God cared about our sex life as a husband and wife, I decided that He wouldn’t mind if I talked to Him about it.  If you think I’m crazy read your Bible!  Song of Solomon is filled with sexy stories!  After reading Linda Dillow’s book “What’s It Like to be Married to Me?” I read quite a bit out of that particular book.  And I found out a lot about God’s idea of sex in a married relationship.  I mean we all agree that the Bible is God’s inspired word right?  If we believe that then we will try to work on our sexual relationship with our man.  If need be do your own study on the subject and see what you come up with!

That’s all I’m going to write for this week, but I will be posting more within the next couple of weeks.  There’s so much I’ve learned personally on this subject that I can’t fit it all into one blog.  So be checking back in the coming weeks for more on this amazing study!

If you’d like to read more on oxytocin check out this site, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin  it’s a great start.  And like I said, I’m going to try to convince my husband to be a guest blogger as soon as possible so be watching for that as well.

Don't Be a "Poor" Old Lady!

I know of an elderly woman who's been alone for years.  Her husband left her long ago.  I've always felt so sorry for her and prayed that her prayers for his return would be answered.  I'd never given it much thought, about why he left her.  I just assumed he let his relationship with God go (that was part of it I'm sure).  As I was talking to a friend one day for some reason this ladies name came up in the conversation and I asked the question "why do you suppose he left her alone like that?"  The poor woman is poorer than poor and barely gets by at all!  This person told me something that has stuck with me ever since and has changed the way I respond to my husbands "brain schemes" as I like to call them!

When I asked the question my "friend" told me that once he was talking with her husband and he said "she was always so negative!" She chased him away with her constant questioning his decision making abilities.  When he would decide to do something her standard retort was "I don't think that's a good idea."  or "Do you really think we should?"  The constant questioning his abilities finally wore him down and coupled with a weak relationship with God, he finally split.  He moved on to someone who appreciated him, someone who wanted to hear his brain schemes and offered no judgement when she didn't agree with his ideas.

There was a time when I reacted the same way when Ben would come up with some grand scheme.  I'd roll my eyes sometimes and then other times I'd say something like.  "We can't afford that!" or "I don't think that's a good idea..." My poor husband!  A negative attitude is no fun to be around and boy am I good at being negative!" I'm daily retraining my brain to think and say positive things instead of instantly jumping on the negative band wagon.

Debi Pearl talks about this very subject in her book "Created to be His Help Meet."  In chapter 10 "Reactions Define You" she says "You are created to be your husband's helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic."

Debi addresses a lot of deep issues in her book but one thing that I took away from it is "support".  I want my husband to know that he can always turn to me when he has a new idea an know that I'll listen and not try to "guide" him with my deep spiritual insights!  The Lord really had to do a work in my heart and is still working. Now when Ben comes up with yet another great idea, I listen quietly and when he's finished I keep my negative thoughts to myself.  I say something like "Wow honey,  I think you'd be great at that!"  Do you know what I've learned?  Many times all my husband is wanting to do is find out if I believe in him or not!  He's had all kinds of ideas about different vocation or ministry idea's in the past five years since the Lord's been working on me about supporting him and guess what! He's not quit his job or moved us across the country to pioneer a church or become evangelists; what he needed to know is that should he ever feel the need to change jobs or feel the Lord leading us into a different ministry I'd be with him 100%.  Who knows?  We may move before the year's out and no I don't relish the thought of leaving family and friends to strike out in a new town or state, but I do know that I will follow my man wherever he feels we're needed.  This is easier for me knowing that my husband prays about every decision a long while before he makes it, he's proved to me in the past 10 1/2 years that he doesn't just jump into a new idea without considering how our family will be affected.  He makes decisions for "us" not just to make himself happy.  Yeah, I know I'm a blessed woman... my man is perfect for me!

*I found this article to be quite interesting, and am slightly surprised it comes from a secular point of view... I thought it was worth the read and wanted to share it.  Just cut and paste this url...
http://tinyurl.com/3musywp