Everyone Wants to be Loved

Deep in the heart of every individual there is a burning desire a desperate plea to be loved by someone.  We all feel it, it is a God given desire for a meaningful relationship.  There is no one who truly does not care if they are loved or not.  Some spend their lives trying to convince others they need no one, wanting people to believe they are completely "self sufficient" when truly they are dying inside because of the rejection they feel.

They say "sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me..." I believe this to be the biggest falsehood of all time.  Not only do spoken words make one feel unloved and rejected, it's the unspoken words that can have an even more devastating affect on a life!  Have you ever heard someone say "My Mom/Dad never told me he/she loved me... they never said they were proud of me" You see, it's the unspoken words that can lead to a lifetime of feeling worthless, as if you mean nothing to no one.

In the heart of everyone there is a "God-sized hole" that only He can fill.  Your spouse may try to fill that space or rather you may try to fill that space with them, but until we know who we are in Christ we can never truly feel that we are worth something.  Until we give the hurt and rejection over to Jesus we will never truly feel accepted.

Maybe your parents never told you they loved you, and since you were a child you've felt unwanted and worthless.  Until you are able to give that hurt to Christ you will never know what true love feels like and you will never be able to love completely.

What makes a 15 year old girl give her virginity to a 19 year old guy? It's that yearning to be loved, she never had much a father figure in her life, he was to self absorbed to see that his daughter needed the love of her father. So she started looking for that love and affection in another way... what made that 19 year old guy take advantage of that girl?  It was his own need to feel accepted and loved.  His Dad was absent most of his life and he was never taught how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

It seems to be an endless cycle in our culture.  The more we serve the god of "ME" the less love we are able to show to our children and our spouse.  The more we are consumed with "me" and "my" needs the less we are able to see that we are losing our focus on "them".

I'm a stay at home mom and at times it is challenging to put my family first.  I've had to miss countless ladies nights because my husband was working late (not by choice but by necessity). I'm not perfect and I can admit that I have thrown some huge pity parties, whistles and streamers included!  At times I've caught myself thinking that I am "owed" some "me time"!  I'm not saying that we mom's should sacrifice every minute of every day and never get time to ourselves, we need occasional time to "regroup".  What I am saying is that a mother should not get used too much "me time".  I've saw a devoted momma become so consumed with "me time" that she left the family and began reliving her youth.  That's when the cycle begins.  That mother or father who decides they are "owed" that time becomes so caught up in their own needs that they fail to see that little girl or boy who's only need at that stage in their life is to feel accepted and loved by their parent... enter pregnant 15 year old girl.

My challenge to you is simple.  Lets start making our family our focus instead of becoming bitter that we're stuck at home all day with 4 kids. Break the cycle!  Lets try giving that desperately needed love and affection to our children.  Lets quit nagging and wearing down that amazing man who's worked hard all day to provide for your family, and start showing him how much you appreciate his sacrifice!  You'll be surprised at how much of an affect breaking that cycle will have on your marriage and on the self confidence level of your children and your husband and even yourself!

Staying Fit For Your Marriage?

I know it sounds insane doesn't it?  It changed OUR life!!!
Think about it!  When you exercise, your body releases endorphin's.  This is a chemical that acts like a drug to stimulate that on top of the world feeling when you complete an important task or reach a climatic milestone in your life. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about endorphin's:

Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opiod peptides that function as neurotransmitters.^[1] They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,^[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,^[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.

The term implies a pharamacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation. It consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."^[5]

When I started running I had absolutely no idea what it would do for my body, my self esteem and yes my MARRIAGE!!!  I started running because I HATED to waste time working out to stupid workout video's.  In my opinion it was a complete waste of my time.  If I started running and worked on my speed I could work out my whole body in a short amount of time and be done with it.

I've always struggled with my body image and self esteem.  I wasn't a depressed person but I was prone to, let's call them "melancholy moments."  I'd had some issues with anxiety and had begun the up hill struggle to recovery and it was going well.  When I began to run... WOW!!!  What an amazing rush!!!  I started noticing an improvement in my confidence levels, my online courses also gave me a boost, but I wonder if I'd have even made the decision to take those courses if I hadn't started running?  For the first time in my life "I could do it!!!"  Could do what?  "I could do anything!"  I even started learning Italian which has been on my bucket list for quite a while (along with actually going to Italy and going on a three mile run with George Bush... not in Italy.)
Of course I also noticed a change in my physical appearance, I wasn't over weight by any means at 130 lbs I looked great according to my husband ;-)... but that wasn't enough for me.  I didn't "feel" like I looked great.  When a woman doesn't feel good about herself it's hard to be adventurous in the bedroom and I was definitely NOT adventurous and I was assuredly not comfortable instigating "romantic encounters".  After almost 12 years of marriage you'd think it'd be like clock work.  It wasn't!  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and it affected our sex life.
Running has changed our marriage and much to my husbands delight it's changed our sex life! 

I thought I was the only one noticing these changes in myself until one day I was talking to Ben about how great I've felt since I've started running.  He told me he'd noticed the changes as well and was more than happy to start running with me when he could... especially since he often gets lucky after we have good run... ;-)

19px;">The purpose of this post is not about weight loss, it's about getting healthy and fit for the benefits it will produce in your life!  When you feel great about yourself it will show in everything you do!  

If you're having marriage/bedroom issues, get out there and start getting fit!  It's contagious so pretty soon your spouse will be by your side getting in on your high.   

Greater Love Hath No Man Than This

In a little over a month we will observe the one year anniversary of the F5 tornado that hit our fair city of Joplin on May 22, 2011.  The storm caused record breaking destruction and death.  Families and friends are still mourning the loss of loved ones.  Fathers, sons, daughters, mothers and husbands…   

I can remember so many tragic losses that day, 18 year Will Norton torn from his father’s arms, Rusty Howard and his two children died in the Home Depot.  With the death toll at 158 there are so many tragic stories, but among the tragedy there are beautiful tales of heroism and personal sacrifice.  There were those who gave all.  I’d like to talk about just such a man. 

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  

The name Don Lansaw may not mean anything to many of you, but to those of us who saw this tragedy firsthand, the name Don Lansaw reminds us of loves ultimate sacrifice.  When the tornado was bearing down on their Joplin home, Don’s first reaction was not that of self-preservation.   Don’s last act of love towards his wife Bethany, was to throw his body over hers to protect her from the brunt of the hit.  Don literally laid his life down for his wife! 

As I sat  at my computer a few days after the storm and watched Bethany tell their story, tears streamed down my face.  How can you ever compare any other to that?  Even today as I watched it again I cried as Bethany spoke of how much love Don had.  As devastating as this story is, I can’t help but see the beauty in it. 

The kind of love Don showed for Bethany was not just love!  It’s what the Greek language refers to as “agape” love.  “Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the terms 'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love…. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the unconditional love of God.  Before agape love there was no other word to express such great love.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love)  

What an amazing love!  What an amazing gift!  To be loved by someone who was willing to pay the ultimate price for love! 

I know every man will say that they are willing to give their lives for their children and their wives, but not many men are put to the test.  Don proved once and for all his love for his beautiful wife of six years, when he said “I love you” with his life.   What a beautiful example of sacrificial love!  I know Bethany would much rather have her husband than have the story to tell.  My prayers are with her today as I think of her great loss. 

John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this…”

If you’d like to see Bethany share their story cut and paste this link.  http://youtu.be/IuA5193SBpM

Leroy & Helen

Leroy and Helen met in the Summer of 1950 at a youth rally in a neighboring town.  She was sitting in the balcony with her friends when she spotted a tall good looking guy in the audience down below, she got his attention by throwing tiny pieces of paper down at him.  I can see her now giggling with her friends.  She still had a bit of that sparkle in her eyes when I met her.  Apparently she got his attention, they married six months later! They had three or four children together.

I’m still not sure how many children they have.  You see by the time I met Leroy and Helen the alzheimers had already begun to erase those beautiful memories from her mind, and since he doesn’t talk much I couldn’t tell you.  She has two wedding sets, one that he gave her when they married in 1950 and one from their 25^th wedding anniversary. She still wears them both, but the story she used to tell me about them is forgotten, and that sparkle in her eye is gone.  Now she’s just confused. 

Helen showed up at my house the other day in tears because she couldn’t get her locket fastened and Leroy’s hands are too shaky. In her mind she knows it’s something special but that memory is gone as well.  She told me she just won’t take it off anymore so she won’t lose it.  We talked for a while over some Earl Grey, biscuits and Lemon Curd.  I kept having to console her, she’d just start saying “I just don’t know…” and then begin crying again.  She’s always telling me that no one wants her around.  I always assure her that I want her and that she’s welcome here any time.  While I know she doesn’t remember my name, somehow she knows she can come to me and cry.

I talked with Leroy today and with tears in his eyes and despondent look on his old face, he told me he thinks he’s going to have to put her in a home.  He just can’t do it anymore.  Whenever he sleeps during the day time she ends up over at my house, she keeps him up at all hours of the night talking non- stop.  I joked with him that’s just because she’s a woman.  We both laughed, but we know that the inevitable is just around the corner.  I can see the exhaustion on his face.  He doesn’t want to let go of her but for her safety and his health, he knows it must be done. 

When I came home after cleaning up at their home for a bit, I sat at the kitchen table and cried.  My heart aches for the memories that are forever lost and for the love that Helen can no longer remember.  Leroy told me that half the time she doesn’t remember him and wonders “why doesn’t my husband call me?”  My heart aches for him because the hardest thing is having her with him, yet she is lost to him.  To her he’s become a stranger.

The purpose of this post is to remind all of us to love our husband/wife and treat them like they mean the world to us while we can.  A day may come when our love story ends as Leroy and Helen’s has.  Love fervently, love unconditionally and love often.  Don’t waste your time fighting about petty things that really don’t matter.  Don’t break each other’s heart.  Work out your difficulties. You’ll never regret staying together, but you will regret all the times you withheld your love when you should have just forgiven.  Make every moment count.