The Fall of Femininity (Part I)

Have you ever had one of those moments when you can see something awful is beginning to happen, it's as if the moment is in slow motion, and everyone else is either oblivious or they just don't care?

In recent days I have become alarmingly aware of a very disheartening and truly disturbing fact.  I feel that I am seeing the end of a beautiful, mysterious thing, and I fear that when it's gone there will be no possible way of getting it back.  Once it's gone, it will be sorely missed, yet we will not have the faintest clue of how to recreate it.  Even if we could it'd be a sad substitute to what used to be.

We are on the verge of losing something more valuable than any rare exotic bird, or precious gem.  The Heart of the Ocean cannot begin to compare to this exquisite treasure.

I am talking about the fall, or rather the death of "True Femininity".

Happy New Year!!!

I want to wish all of my subscribers and friends a wonderful and blessed New Year!!!

2012 was challenging yet great.  I learned a lot about myself.  I found some weaknesses that I plan to turn to strengths in the coming year, I also discovered a few strengths that I want to continue to nurture.

A little over four years ago I was diagnosed with anxiety.  Over the past four years I have fought hard to overcome it.  I've had some setbacks, but with the Lord's help and the support of my wonderful husband, I believe I am finally on the downhill slope to fully overcoming it!

I had never really talked much about the anxiety because it was a huge weakness in my life.  Since I'm a very independent person I literally HATED this weakness!  I didn't want anyone to know about it.  I wanted everyone to see me as the strong person I was so desperately portraying.  Once I finally realized that a weakness was just a strength waiting to be discovered, I was finally able to begin that epic war against the enemy (in this case anxiety) that was trying to rule my life.

There were days when all I wanted to do was stay in bed and CRY!!!  It was a continual battle!  And as battles go, I didn't always win.  I learned that the key to overcoming my anxiety was to never ever give up.  It was wonderful to know that I had the support of an amazing man, who wouldn't let me give up!  Ben was always there on the bad days to help me get back up and dust myself off and GET OVER IT!

I've failed a lot in the past four years, but I learned that it got easier to get back up and move on after I'd have yet another "melt down".  I learned that a failure is only a failure, when you fail to learn from it :-)

I've learned not to dwell on the depressing things in life.  I've learned to grab a hold of the things that make me feel happy and complete and not let them go.  I've learned that my God, my husband and my four beautiful girls mean more to me than life itself.  I am not complete without them.  I could never have overcome my anxiety without all three of those gifts.

My relationship with Jesus Christ enables me to be the wife and mother I need to be.  I've heard ignorant people make the statement "God/religion is just a crutch for weak minded people" that is the biggest falsehood I have ever heard!  How do I know that?  Because before I began to delve deeper into my relationship with the my Creator, the anxiety was taking me down.  I honestly did not think I would make it, I thought I was going crazy!  When I took my mind off my anxiety I was able to realize that every moment I spent dwelling on my problem I became weaker.

Five Keys to Overcoming Anxiety: 1) Cultivate a relationship with Jesus Christ.  Without Him we cannot succeed.  2) Support.  My husband was my one man support team. You need to find someone who is optimistic.  Someone with whom you are not afraid to be real, someone who wants you to be strong and beat this.  3) Learn what brings you down & avoid it.  In my case it was talk radio. I have not listened to it in four years.  There were some people that I had to stay away from until I was strong enough not allow their pessimism to affect me.   4) Take your vitamins!!!  Vitamin B-12 helps your nervous system and actually helps reduce anxiety. I actually started taking a combination of B-12 & Adaptuit which changed my life! You can check it out by going to this link.  http://tinyurl.com/b53xmag  5) Exercise!!!  For me it was running, but if that doesn't work for you, then find something that can help you sweat out your frustrations so they don't own you.  

I hope that you will beat your anxiety this year!!!  This is your year!!!  I would love to hear your stories, so feel free to e-mail me or comment on this post.

Everyone Wants to be Loved

Deep in the heart of every individual there is a burning desire a desperate plea to be loved by someone.  We all feel it, it is a God given desire for a meaningful relationship.  There is no one who truly does not care if they are loved or not.  Some spend their lives trying to convince others they need no one, wanting people to believe they are completely "self sufficient" when truly they are dying inside because of the rejection they feel.

They say "sticks and stones may hurt my bones but words will never hurt me..." I believe this to be the biggest falsehood of all time.  Not only do spoken words make one feel unloved and rejected, it's the unspoken words that can have an even more devastating affect on a life!  Have you ever heard someone say "My Mom/Dad never told me he/she loved me... they never said they were proud of me" You see, it's the unspoken words that can lead to a lifetime of feeling worthless, as if you mean nothing to no one.

In the heart of everyone there is a "God-sized hole" that only He can fill.  Your spouse may try to fill that space or rather you may try to fill that space with them, but until we know who we are in Christ we can never truly feel that we are worth something.  Until we give the hurt and rejection over to Jesus we will never truly feel accepted.

Maybe your parents never told you they loved you, and since you were a child you've felt unwanted and worthless.  Until you are able to give that hurt to Christ you will never know what true love feels like and you will never be able to love completely.

What makes a 15 year old girl give her virginity to a 19 year old guy? It's that yearning to be loved, she never had much a father figure in her life, he was to self absorbed to see that his daughter needed the love of her father. So she started looking for that love and affection in another way... what made that 19 year old guy take advantage of that girl?  It was his own need to feel accepted and loved.  His Dad was absent most of his life and he was never taught how a man is supposed to treat a woman.

It seems to be an endless cycle in our culture.  The more we serve the god of "ME" the less love we are able to show to our children and our spouse.  The more we are consumed with "me" and "my" needs the less we are able to see that we are losing our focus on "them".

I'm a stay at home mom and at times it is challenging to put my family first.  I've had to miss countless ladies nights because my husband was working late (not by choice but by necessity). I'm not perfect and I can admit that I have thrown some huge pity parties, whistles and streamers included!  At times I've caught myself thinking that I am "owed" some "me time"!  I'm not saying that we mom's should sacrifice every minute of every day and never get time to ourselves, we need occasional time to "regroup".  What I am saying is that a mother should not get used too much "me time".  I've saw a devoted momma become so consumed with "me time" that she left the family and began reliving her youth.  That's when the cycle begins.  That mother or father who decides they are "owed" that time becomes so caught up in their own needs that they fail to see that little girl or boy who's only need at that stage in their life is to feel accepted and loved by their parent... enter pregnant 15 year old girl.

My challenge to you is simple.  Lets start making our family our focus instead of becoming bitter that we're stuck at home all day with 4 kids. Break the cycle!  Lets try giving that desperately needed love and affection to our children.  Lets quit nagging and wearing down that amazing man who's worked hard all day to provide for your family, and start showing him how much you appreciate his sacrifice!  You'll be surprised at how much of an affect breaking that cycle will have on your marriage and on the self confidence level of your children and your husband and even yourself!

Staying Fit For Your Marriage?

I know it sounds insane doesn't it?  It changed OUR life!!!
Think about it!  When you exercise, your body releases endorphin's.  This is a chemical that acts like a drug to stimulate that on top of the world feeling when you complete an important task or reach a climatic milestone in your life. Here's what Wikipedia has to say about endorphin's:

Endorphins ("endogenous morphine") are endogenous opiod peptides that function as neurotransmitters.^[1] They are produced by the pituitary gland and the hypothalamus in vertebrates during exercise,^[2] excitement, pain, consumption of spicy food, love and orgasm,^[3][4] and they resemble the opiates in their abilities to produce analgesia and a feeling of well-being.

The term implies a pharamacological activity (analogous to the activity of the corticosteroid category of biochemicals) as opposed to a specific chemical formulation. It consists of two parts: endo- and -orphin; these are short forms of the words endogenous and morphine, intended to mean "a morphine-like substance originating from within the body."^[5]

When I started running I had absolutely no idea what it would do for my body, my self esteem and yes my MARRIAGE!!!  I started running because I HATED to waste time working out to stupid workout video's.  In my opinion it was a complete waste of my time.  If I started running and worked on my speed I could work out my whole body in a short amount of time and be done with it.

I've always struggled with my body image and self esteem.  I wasn't a depressed person but I was prone to, let's call them "melancholy moments."  I'd had some issues with anxiety and had begun the up hill struggle to recovery and it was going well.  When I began to run... WOW!!!  What an amazing rush!!!  I started noticing an improvement in my confidence levels, my online courses also gave me a boost, but I wonder if I'd have even made the decision to take those courses if I hadn't started running?  For the first time in my life "I could do it!!!"  Could do what?  "I could do anything!"  I even started learning Italian which has been on my bucket list for quite a while (along with actually going to Italy and going on a three mile run with George Bush... not in Italy.)
Of course I also noticed a change in my physical appearance, I wasn't over weight by any means at 130 lbs I looked great according to my husband ;-)... but that wasn't enough for me.  I didn't "feel" like I looked great.  When a woman doesn't feel good about herself it's hard to be adventurous in the bedroom and I was definitely NOT adventurous and I was assuredly not comfortable instigating "romantic encounters".  After almost 12 years of marriage you'd think it'd be like clock work.  It wasn't!  I wasn't comfortable in my own skin and it affected our sex life.
Running has changed our marriage and much to my husbands delight it's changed our sex life! 

I thought I was the only one noticing these changes in myself until one day I was talking to Ben about how great I've felt since I've started running.  He told me he'd noticed the changes as well and was more than happy to start running with me when he could... especially since he often gets lucky after we have good run... ;-)

19px;">The purpose of this post is not about weight loss, it's about getting healthy and fit for the benefits it will produce in your life!  When you feel great about yourself it will show in everything you do!  

If you're having marriage/bedroom issues, get out there and start getting fit!  It's contagious so pretty soon your spouse will be by your side getting in on your high.   

Greater Love Hath No Man Than This

In a little over a month we will observe the one year anniversary of the F5 tornado that hit our fair city of Joplin on May 22, 2011.  The storm caused record breaking destruction and death.  Families and friends are still mourning the loss of loved ones.  Fathers, sons, daughters, mothers and husbands…   

I can remember so many tragic losses that day, 18 year Will Norton torn from his father’s arms, Rusty Howard and his two children died in the Home Depot.  With the death toll at 158 there are so many tragic stories, but among the tragedy there are beautiful tales of heroism and personal sacrifice.  There were those who gave all.  I’d like to talk about just such a man. 

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it.”  

The name Don Lansaw may not mean anything to many of you, but to those of us who saw this tragedy firsthand, the name Don Lansaw reminds us of loves ultimate sacrifice.  When the tornado was bearing down on their Joplin home, Don’s first reaction was not that of self-preservation.   Don’s last act of love towards his wife Bethany, was to throw his body over hers to protect her from the brunt of the hit.  Don literally laid his life down for his wife! 

As I sat  at my computer a few days after the storm and watched Bethany tell their story, tears streamed down my face.  How can you ever compare any other to that?  Even today as I watched it again I cried as Bethany spoke of how much love Don had.  As devastating as this story is, I can’t help but see the beauty in it. 

The kind of love Don showed for Bethany was not just love!  It’s what the Greek language refers to as “agape” love.  “Agápe (ἀγάπη agápē[1]) means "love" (unconditional love) in modern day Greek, such as in the terms 'agapo (Σ'αγαπώ), which means "I love you". In Ancient Greek, it often refers to a general affection or deeper sense of "true love" rather than the attraction suggested by "eros". Agape is used in the biblical passage known as the "love chapter", 1 Corinthians 13, and is described there and throughout the New Testament as sacrificial love…. Agape was appropriated by Christians for use to express the unconditional love of God.  Before agape love there was no other word to express such great love.” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love)  

What an amazing love!  What an amazing gift!  To be loved by someone who was willing to pay the ultimate price for love! 

I know every man will say that they are willing to give their lives for their children and their wives, but not many men are put to the test.  Don proved once and for all his love for his beautiful wife of six years, when he said “I love you” with his life.   What a beautiful example of sacrificial love!  I know Bethany would much rather have her husband than have the story to tell.  My prayers are with her today as I think of her great loss. 

John 15:13 “Greater love hath no man than this…”

If you’d like to see Bethany share their story cut and paste this link.  http://youtu.be/IuA5193SBpM

Leroy & Helen

Leroy and Helen met in the Summer of 1950 at a youth rally in a neighboring town.  She was sitting in the balcony with her friends when she spotted a tall good looking guy in the audience down below, she got his attention by throwing tiny pieces of paper down at him.  I can see her now giggling with her friends.  She still had a bit of that sparkle in her eyes when I met her.  Apparently she got his attention, they married six months later! They had three or four children together.

I’m still not sure how many children they have.  You see by the time I met Leroy and Helen the alzheimers had already begun to erase those beautiful memories from her mind, and since he doesn’t talk much I couldn’t tell you.  She has two wedding sets, one that he gave her when they married in 1950 and one from their 25^th wedding anniversary. She still wears them both, but the story she used to tell me about them is forgotten, and that sparkle in her eye is gone.  Now she’s just confused. 

Helen showed up at my house the other day in tears because she couldn’t get her locket fastened and Leroy’s hands are too shaky. In her mind she knows it’s something special but that memory is gone as well.  She told me she just won’t take it off anymore so she won’t lose it.  We talked for a while over some Earl Grey, biscuits and Lemon Curd.  I kept having to console her, she’d just start saying “I just don’t know…” and then begin crying again.  She’s always telling me that no one wants her around.  I always assure her that I want her and that she’s welcome here any time.  While I know she doesn’t remember my name, somehow she knows she can come to me and cry.

I talked with Leroy today and with tears in his eyes and despondent look on his old face, he told me he thinks he’s going to have to put her in a home.  He just can’t do it anymore.  Whenever he sleeps during the day time she ends up over at my house, she keeps him up at all hours of the night talking non- stop.  I joked with him that’s just because she’s a woman.  We both laughed, but we know that the inevitable is just around the corner.  I can see the exhaustion on his face.  He doesn’t want to let go of her but for her safety and his health, he knows it must be done. 

When I came home after cleaning up at their home for a bit, I sat at the kitchen table and cried.  My heart aches for the memories that are forever lost and for the love that Helen can no longer remember.  Leroy told me that half the time she doesn’t remember him and wonders “why doesn’t my husband call me?”  My heart aches for him because the hardest thing is having her with him, yet she is lost to him.  To her he’s become a stranger.

The purpose of this post is to remind all of us to love our husband/wife and treat them like they mean the world to us while we can.  A day may come when our love story ends as Leroy and Helen’s has.  Love fervently, love unconditionally and love often.  Don’t waste your time fighting about petty things that really don’t matter.  Don’t break each other’s heart.  Work out your difficulties. You’ll never regret staying together, but you will regret all the times you withheld your love when you should have just forgiven.  Make every moment count.  

The Slow Fade

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away

It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray

Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid

When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day

By Casting Crowns

I was thinking the other day about a couple who married a few months after Ben and I.  Their marriage ended two years ago and it still causes a twinge when I think about it.  My heart is heavy when I see them separate.  So many times we look at these lives and wonder when the change began, when did   it begin to fall apart?  When did they just get sick of working it out and decided to go their separate ways?  I don't think there's really an answer to that question.  There have been times in our own marriage when I was just sick of trying, sick of working things out and disgusted with the roller coaster that we seemed to be on!  The marriages that fall apart are no different than ours!  In every marriage there are obstacles to over come and challenges to be met.  

Ben & I

I've heard these lines so many times, "we're just going in different directions now..." or "we just fell out of love."  I can see what they mean when they say they're going in different directions, although, I don't think the marriage has to end because of that.  If you stick around you'll realize there's more common ground than you thought.  Ben and I have went through phases in our lives when I really did wonder how we were going to make it work, our goals just seemed so different.  So yes, you do change and grow up and you definitely are different than when you first married, but keep in mind, you married that man/woman for better or for worse.  The problem is when you give yourself an out then you're less likely to make the marriage last when the going gets tough.  I know that affairs are hard things to work through, but I have saw it done with my own eyes!!  They made it through!  You can do anything you set your mind to, whether it be running a marathon, skydiving and yes, even saving your marriage.  You've just gotta want it bad enough.  I've saw a marriage shaken from the affects of a husband who was addicted to porn survive.  I've saw a marriage survive when the husband was an alcoholic (now recovered).  In each of these situations they all had one thing in common, they wanted to work things out, and that's what it all comes down to.  

You can't fall out of love because love isn't a feeling or an emotion, it's a decision you make every day of your life!  I wake up every morning and decided to love Ben.  Now that doesn't mean that we have the perfect marriage, and we have some BAD days.  We've had weeks go by that we just couldn't seem to quit fighting!  We'd get over one argument and  work it out and an hour later we'd be disagreeing about something else!  It's emotionally taxing sometimes, but I'm glad that I know Ben is as dedicated to making our marriage work as I am.  You're marriage doesn't just have to work, it can become an amazing journey!  

So, as of today... I LOVE MY MARRIAGE!!! It's the best decision I've ever made, and that guy I married?  Yeah, he's turned into one amazing man.  He's been a wonderful friend, companion and lover!  Hopefully we have a lot of "good" days left!

You’ve Lost Your Mystery, Now What? Part II

In my last post we talked about being positive and looking at life with “the glass is half full” mindset.  Believe me this will go a long way in regaining your guys attention.  Not that you ever lost his attraction, maybe he’s just been looking for that sweet girl he married! 

Let’s be honest ladies.  None of us are that carefree girl we were when we snagged our handsome man and that’s natural and healthy.  The healthy part being, that we’ve matured (hopefully), but becoming uptight and just plain ol’ no fun however is not healthy for our marriage.  This leads me to my next point.

BE SPONTANIOUS!!!  Whether it’s in the bedroom or maybe it’s just dropping your mop and forgetting the house is a mess and running to Mc Donald’s for Hot Fudge Sundays with the family! This is the thing I struggle with the most. 

Since my husband is a psychology teacher he has little personality tests lying around.  While flying to California last week for a wedding, he pulled one out and asked me some questions.  Come to find out I have all but one of the traits for the personality disorder Obsessive Compulsive (OCD).  So as you can imagine, it’s really hard for me to just drop things and run.  Especially when it comes to my house!  I can’t handle a mess, and getting used to living with four very messy daughters has been quite a challenge for me.  I don’t always handle things the way I should  and that has caused some strife in our marriage.  My husband is not a messy, and leads more towards the OCD but he’s also laid back and is VERY good at just leaving it all and coming back to start again refreshed.  He’s been good for me!  I am a work in progress!

Being spontaneous in the bedroom is a little harder for me as it is for a lot of women.  When I have a million things on my mind, it’s hard to think sexy thoughts!  I used to get aggravated at Ben when he’d get in a bad mood when he hadn’t “gotten any” lately, it was a mystery to my why on earth he reacted that way.  To my shock and surprise in the past year or so I’ve found that Ben isn’t the only one who gets grouchy when they aren’t “getting any”!  I’ve paid attention and have learned that we are more likely to pick fights and get grouchy with each other when we aren’t having sex regularly. Go figure!!!   I’ve found that sex is vitally important to our marriage, so I’ve adjusted the way I think about it.  I make it a habit to put on sexy underwear, and about every two or three months I go online and buy myself a sexy nighty.  Sometimes I buy things that I like and sometimes it’s something Ben will like.  It’s amazing how spontaneous you can feel when you’re feeling sexy!

You’ve Lost Your Mystery, Now What?

If you’re anything like me,  (I think I’m a pretty average woman) at some point during your marriage you’ve started feeling like you’ve lost that special something that lured your man and made him fall desperately in love with you. 

Let’s face it, we’re no longer 19, we don’t feel 19 and once again if you’re like me you definitely don’t look 19 anymore!!!  I’ve managed to keep the weight off and I keep myself pretty active so that helps; but there’s the lose skin and stretch marks from four pregnancies, I quit tanning bed’s years ago due to health concerns…I’m tired most of the time and I just don’t feel exiting anymore!  We have a pretty good sex life and I still wear the sexy nighties (you’d be amazed at how much of a difference what you where to bed makes :-), but sometimes I wonder if my guy is still excited about me?  My stomach still does those little flip flops when he walks into the room, when he stops and puts his hand on the small of my back or when he wears blue jeans and a white t-shirt… talk about distracting!  I’ve always felt like I was the lucky one in our relationship!  If you’ve looked at my profile picture you’d know what I mean, my husband is one good looking guy!  How do I make sure that he’s still as excited about me as I am about having snagged him?

For this blog I talked to my best friend about her little antics, what she does to keep that mystery how she keeps her man coming back for more!   

My best friend (Married 8 years) said, “I pamper myself! I wear a color he likes me in, shave my legs… take my time fixing my hair.  Sometimes I think back to when we were dating and try to remember how I acted then that attracted him to me.”  There’s some great advice!  She also said that the one thing her husband hates is that “sometimes I don’t know how to relax and chill, have a good time!  He likes it when I’m positive…” 

Ouch!   There’s I touchy one!  I’ve asked my husband what he wants most in his woman and of course his mind went straight to the gutter!  After I got him back on the right path he said that what he wants most from me is “a positive attitude.”  Guys have enough negativity coming at them from every side all day, the last thing they want is to get hit in the face with it when they walk through the door!   I’m not saying we’re supposed to be Pollyanna 24/7, God knows I’m not!   That’s something I’ve worked hard on for the past few years.  I used to go straight to the worst case scenario.  Ben’s been so patient with me during this time of retraining my brain to think positively.  I’d like to be able to say that I’ve mastered the art of optimism but I haven’t.  I am working on it though.  Guess what, guys don’t want perfection, they just want to know that you’re theirs to keep!

Since I try to keep my blogs a short read I will be continuing this one at a later date!  There’s definitely more where this came from! 

God Is A Romantic!

This weekend my husband and I will celebrate 11 years of wedded bliss!  I can't believe it's been that long!  Then again it seems like we've been together a lifetime!  My how time flies when you're in love...

During my morning "blog hour" I read one of my favorite blogs that always inspires me to think about things in a new way.  It was about marriage and since marriage is my passion, instead of just going into "scan mode" I read every word!  I was so inspired that I decided to post a new blog myself!  The author spoke of marriage as two separate individuals living their own lives.  There were a lot of great points, but my mind kept going back to the scriptures I've read all of my life and a thought struck me.  "God is a romantic!"  You see, I believe all scripture is inspired by Him, which means that there is nothing in His word that was not put there by Him!  Here are a list of romantic stories in the Bible... Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachel, Ruth and Boaz... oh and don't forget my favorite, the Song of Solomon! :-)   God inspired all of these!!!

But it's these passages that disagree with the "two separate" people idea the most and further instills in my mind that God is the ultimate romantic!  Matthew 19:6   "Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder."  Ephesians 5:31  "For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh."   None of these scriptures lead me to believe that when a man and woman pledge their lives to each other they continue to walk their separate ways.  Both speak of a man leaving the road he was on (...leave his father and mother...) and taking his wife with him to start a new path together (...and shall be joined unto his wife...).  

When I married Ben I didn't cease to be me, I changed my name and embraced the new me!  I married a man that encouraged me to do things that I never would have done had I continued to walk alone... I didn't have the guts!  To tell you the truth, I didn't have any real aspirations before I married.  The things I have accomplished have been because my man told me I could! I do NOT like getting up in front of people and speaking but Ben said "babe you'd be a great teacher!" So, when asked to speak to a group of women, I always swallow my fear and memorize my notes! I would never have dreamed I could do that!

Ever read about the Proverbs 31 woman?!  She definitely is not lost in her husbands shadow, and neither did she overshadow him.  They compliment each other!  Proverbs 31:23 "Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land."  They both have merit!

When Ben decided to take a decrease in pay and change career paths to realize his dream of teaching I said "go for it honey!"  I learned to be thrifty with his meager salary, but we were so happy that when his job downsized and he was let go I was almost depressed because I had come to love his job as much as he did!   Now he's realizing another dream of his, teaching Psychology at a Bible College and I'm enjoying the ride!  My husband is at his best when he's in front of young people teaching and I support him with all my heart.  He in turn supports my passions... I'm sure he doesn't really enjoy hearing me talk about pregnancy, labor and birth all the time, but he shares in the excitement I feel when I've got my nose in my text books learning new things about the female reproductive system... thankfully he's as intrigued with Physiology as I am!

Yes, Ben and I are two separate individuals but neither of us is walking alone and neither of us want to!  You see, God joined us together and now we walk side by side each of us supporting the other.  I love it that Paul says that we become "one flesh".  We no longer just have our own interests in mind but the interests of the other.  I've not put my dreams on hold because I "have" to stay home with the girls, but rather, I am waiting for God's perfect timing in realizing those dreams.  I am going to be a birth Doula, maybe not now but when the time is right.  For now I am hitting the books hard and honing my skills, so that when it's time I will be the best I possibly can and Ben is  my constant encourager!

I enjoy married life.  I love having a companion, friend, encourager and lover... ;-) Hey, God meant for us to love making love! lol  That's why Song of Solomon is my favorite love story in the Bible!  Most of all I love married life because I now I don't ever have to walk alone and romantic songs are only depressing when we're apart...

"If You Can't Say Anything Nice..."

"Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in they sight, oh Lord, my strength and my redeemer." Psalm 19:14

Did your Mom ever tell you, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all"?  Mine did!  Yet through the years I seem to have forgotten some of the important lessons my amazing mother taught me.  

This morning someone dear to me said something so amazingly sweet to me that it totally changed my day!  It got me to thinking about my words and how I say them and how they affect others.  Two weeks ago my girls and I started committing Psalm 19:14 to memory, it has worked wonders in our home!  When you constantly meditate on something positive like that scripture, it's hard to have a bad thought or to gossip or put someone down.  

While it is very important to encourage others with our words and keep our thoughts towards them positive, sometimes we are more careful with how we treat "others" that we forget that when we were commanded in Ephesians 4:32 "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another..." Paul means  all "anothers".  Yes, this means our husbands as well!!!  Our husbands deserve to be treated with the same respect that we show perfect strangers.  I have been guilty of being more respectful to strangers than I have to my husband!  Why is that?  We will never see that stranger again, but our husbands and kids are stuck with us!  What do you think?  Is "being stuck" with you a good thing?  Would you like to be stuck with you?  I've asked myself this question often and I try to make changes accordingly.  Some days I fail miserably and other days I think I've arrived!  

So go ahead think of something nice to say about your man... yeah, maybe he's been a jerk lately and doesn't deserve it... how deserving have you been lately?  "Two wrongs don't make a right!"  Ever think about how childish we behave with our husbands?  If it wasn't so true it'd almost be funny.  "He said his Mom's baked chicken is better than mine!  So I'm going to act all hurt and not speak to him for a few days, and he can forget sex!"  When what he really said was "man babe, my Mom has this baked chicken recipe that is awesome!"  See how we turn things around in our heads?  We're women we're good at manipulating words so we can have something to be upset about!  I've done it!  

For the most part guys say exactly what the mean, no underlying meaning, no hidden barbs.  So here's your homework for the day:  take your husbands words at face value (quit reading into his words for Pete's sake!!!), and say something nice.  Maybe he was a jerk, but we're no angel!  You will be amazed at the change in your relationship when you start saying nice things even when you don't feel like it.  So go ahead spit it out!  He really does look sexy in those jeans and that t-shirt... You may have to think hard but soon it'll be easy.  Once you retrain your brain to include your man into that "one another" that Paul speaks of, life just might have a few surprises for you!

Here's a new saying for you "if you can't think of something nice to say, don't say anything until you do!"

Marriage Advice From the Song of Solomon

After reading Linda Dillow’s amazing book, “What’s it like to be Married to Me?”  I was inspired to read through the Song of Solomon with a whole different mindset than I have had in the past.  I am reading through it this time as I would any other marriage book.  I used to read through the Song of Solomon quickly, almost blushing and the descriptions, and terminology!  Wow that book has a vernacular all it’s own!  With the help of esword, a few other sources and my wonderful husband, I am reading it through again with a new understanding.  

This time I am reading it with the intent of further enriching our marriage.  If ever there was a book with advice to husbands of wife about how great married sex should be… what an amazing manual!!!

I’m only just beginning to gather insight, but when I am finished I will share all that I’ve discovered in this truly beautiful love story!  There are so much wisdom hidden in the words of this wonderful book.   I have never in my life used a highlighter when reading this book, but I have also, never studied this book either!   As so many others, I have often wondered why this book was even in the Bible!  With the help of the Lord I hope to enlighten you! 

I cannot wait to share with you all that I am discovering!!!

SEX… It Isn’t a Dirty Word!

Week Three

Heb 13:4  “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”

The third and final thing I did on my road to sexual intimacy with my husband, was act on what I’d been reading and studying about sex.   If you are like me you just feel uncomfortable getting out of your comfort zone!  That was my biggest obstacle in my journey. ( I’m not suggesting  you do anything that feels wrong… Sodomy, for instance, is not only wrong, but it’s unhealthy and I don’t believe that it’s part of God design for sex.) What I am suggesting is that you try new things with your man!  A lot of men are dying to get out of the “sexual rut” they’re in!  For some men that’s their reason or one of the leading factors in entering into an affair.  I am not saying that if your husband has had an affair it is your fault because you’re not good in bed or something!  But we as wives have the power to make our bedroom his favorite place to be! 

What I’m getting at here is that we need to revive what we had when we were in the first few weeks or months of our marriage.  So many couples think that can’t be done.  I completely disagree!  No we aren’t able to do it whenever the “mood” strikes us anymore, but sometimes that’s half the fun right?  Getting the kids off to bed and then time for some “alone time” with your roommate…  FLIRT with him again!  My husband has told me on several occasions that he “loves it when you flirt with me!” 

I know you’re all thinking “so how do we spice it up?”  That’s the easy part!  I’m going to let you in on a little secret… I hadn’t bought any nighties for myself until… ok let’s just say we’d been married  for way to long for me to have not taken some time on updating my “arsenal” as I like to call it.  I happen to be a very big “penny pincher” and figured why invest in new nighties when I already had a whole drawer of perfectly nice ones?   Being the penny pincher that I am I did not throw out the old ones, they remind me of our beginning and I can’t throw that away.  I did however retire them!

Go through your drawer’s ladies… literally!  Throw away anything that’s not cute!  I started throwing away underwear left and right.  It meant a trip to my favorite department store for new underthings but the response I got was well worth it!   What’s funny is, Ben never once complained about my spending a little bit of money on the “arsenal”.  We’ve even joked before about selling the contents of my nighty/underwear drawer to pay off the mortgage!

Something else you HAVE to do is quit thinking of sex with your husband as something you HAVE to do,  to keep him happy!  God meant for us women to take pleasure in sex as much as our man does!  We just have to retrain our brain.  Sex isn’t a chore it’s something God gave us that is so special that He intended for us to spend our lifetime together perfecting the skill.  Yes, I said lifetime!  After all God’s intent for marriage was “till death do us part.” 

Never use this beautiful gift that God has given you and your husband as a “weapon” to teach him a lesson!
I Corinthians 7:4 “The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.”  Paul (who wasn’t even married mind you) is saying your body is your husbands and his is yours.  DON’T WITHHOLD it to make him pay!!!

Here’s another tip and then I will conclude.  I’ve found that a lot of the arguments we’ve had during our marriage was when we weren’t taking time for sex.  Yes, it does affect your mindset and your judgment.  You will be more likely to pick a fight with your spouse if you’ve been abstaining.  If you don’t believe it then why is it that after a wonderful “love making session” the world seems right again?   

If you think that sex is only good for the first couple of years and then you settle into a routine, think again!  It’s that routine that kills marriages.  Getting out of this routine is what will make your marriage great so get out of your rut and start spicing it up! 

Here’s a suggestion…  try “sexting”  (sending suggestive texts to him during the day) just be sure to double check who that text is going to!!!  LOL You do not want that kind of embarrassment! 

I hope these little lessons I’ve learned will help you in your “marriage journey”, may it be a beautiful and blessed one!

Books I recommend reading to enrich your marriage:  Created to be His Help Meet – Debbie Pearl ,  The 5 Love Languages (this is a great one to read together)–Gary Chapman and What’s it Like to be Married to Me-Linda Dillow.

Kitchen Aid Giveaway!!!

Yes, I know this is a marriage blog but I ran across this link while surfing thru twitter... http://reluctantentertainer.com/2011/09/kitchen-aid-stand-mixer-giveaway-via-usa-today-your-life/
I signed up to win a kitchen aid stand mixer... I don't usually win stuff but who knows?  My luck could change!  So could yours! ;-)

Part 2 of "Sex! It Isn't a Dirty Word!"

Week 2

The second step I took was rather a big one.   I organized my days so that at bed time I wasn’t completely exhausted and even scheduled a nap if I was especially tired that day.

Let's face it, we all have time for the things we want to make time for.  If you're married then your marriage should be a priority, and making time for “love making” with your man is vitally important to the success of your marriage!


 Many times we put our time and energy into things that we feel are important to us, whether it be our hobby, entertaining or pouring ourselves into our children.  These things are important, but if you are married then your marriage should become your favorite and most important “hobby”.   Yes, you should do well in your marriage you should want to perfect it as best you can.  I’m not saying you have to be the perfect little wife who does everything right, but you should take as much pride in your marriage as you do with the other important areas of your life. 

Here’s one way to think of it.   They say “behind every great man is a great woman.”  Who’s standing behind those men who seem like failures?  Is it a wife who’s always second guessing him or who is never “in the mood” for sex? 

“Well, that’s just crazy!  Not getting regular sex can’t make a man a failure!”

I beg to differ with you…  depending on the man, sex can make all the difference in the performance of his day to day duties or even his lifelong goals.  If you have a man who is fine with once a week love making that’s fine, however if you have a man who has a stronger libido then “giving in” to him once a week will only hold him back!  It’s true! 

Here’s another secret… men hate it when you “give in”.  They don’t want their wife to give in and “have sex with them” they want us to be active, interested participators.  For the most part men want it to be “good for us” as too, but they’ll take it out of necessity if you just “give in”.  In I Corinthians 7:3 Paul says  “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.”  Did you ever wonder what “due benevolence” was?  It’s “good” sex!  Not just the “oh alright if you’re gonna whine about it” kind of sex, but the sex where you are both enjoying being with each other!  If you read thru the Bible especially the Song of Solomon, you see that God means for sex between you and your husband to be a wonderful experience! 

So, take the time to plan for sex like you would for anything else you really “want” to do!  It’ll be well worth it!  And when people see that awesome man of yours preforming well at work or at whatever he sets his mind to they’ll be thinking “I bet he has one amazing woman at home!”  And you know what?  They’ll be right!

SEX… It Isn’t a Dirty Word!

Heb 13:4 says,  “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled…”    For so many years this subject has gone unexamined, and many marriages have suffered because of it. 

Week 1

Before I was married, I knew a little about sex, but I was pretty sheltered!  I went into marriage a virgin and I do not regret my inexperience.  It was fun learning all about this wonderful relationship with the love of my life!  I do however wish I’d been given some pointers.   I knew that sex was reserved for marriage, but I did not realize how big and how important of a roll it takes in the union of a man and woman!  

My husband and I didn’t experience any issues with this area of our married relationship until about six years into it.  We had two children by then and I had started feeling the effects of “sleep deprivation” so that when it was bed time, all I wanted to do was fall into bed and do nothing but … sleep!  My husband tried to be understanding in the beginning but for some men going for 1 and 2 weeks sometimes more without any action… well, it’s like taking heroin from a druggy!  That is NOT an exaggeration!  You see, when two people are intimately involved your body releases a bonding agent called oxytocin and works sort of like a drug.  It’s what causes an abused woman to go back to her husband/boyfriend.  It’s sort of like a trust serum.   When you go for a period of time without physical touch it causes you to act sort of irrational.  It’s more present in men, but I do know of some women who are more sexually dominant than their husbands.  When they go without sex they become moody and sort of irrational.  For women,  it will cause mood swings, and bouts of crying!  My husband has spent the past three years teaching and studying oxytocin, I’m trying to get him to guest blog for me on this subject.  It’s quite an amazing study!

I’m going to go out on a limb her and say that most marriage issues start in the bedroom… So the next time your husband’s grouchy and short tempered?  Take it to the bedroom literally!  I know you’re thinking how?  I am so tired I can’t even think of anything else!  I know exactly where you’re coming from!  Something that opened my eyes to meeting my husband’s needs was reading “Created to be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl,  the section in their about giving your husbands “good sex” convicted me!  It’s in Chapter 16.  It caused me to think about what kind of sex I’d been giving to my husband and I didn’t like what I saw.  Half the time I was reluctant and not really into it.  Poor guy!  He must have thought “wow, is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of our lives?” 

So how did I start “getting in “the mood?”  My first step was to pray about it!  Yes, I really did!  You see, once I realized that God cared about our sex life as a husband and wife, I decided that He wouldn’t mind if I talked to Him about it.  If you think I’m crazy read your Bible!  Song of Solomon is filled with sexy stories!  After reading Linda Dillow’s book “What’s It Like to be Married to Me?” I read quite a bit out of that particular book.  And I found out a lot about God’s idea of sex in a married relationship.  I mean we all agree that the Bible is God’s inspired word right?  If we believe that then we will try to work on our sexual relationship with our man.  If need be do your own study on the subject and see what you come up with!

That’s all I’m going to write for this week, but I will be posting more within the next couple of weeks.  There’s so much I’ve learned personally on this subject that I can’t fit it all into one blog.  So be checking back in the coming weeks for more on this amazing study!

If you’d like to read more on oxytocin check out this site, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oxytocin  it’s a great start.  And like I said, I’m going to try to convince my husband to be a guest blogger as soon as possible so be watching for that as well.

Don't Be a "Poor" Old Lady!

I know of an elderly woman who's been alone for years.  Her husband left her long ago.  I've always felt so sorry for her and prayed that her prayers for his return would be answered.  I'd never given it much thought, about why he left her.  I just assumed he let his relationship with God go (that was part of it I'm sure).  As I was talking to a friend one day for some reason this ladies name came up in the conversation and I asked the question "why do you suppose he left her alone like that?"  The poor woman is poorer than poor and barely gets by at all!  This person told me something that has stuck with me ever since and has changed the way I respond to my husbands "brain schemes" as I like to call them!

When I asked the question my "friend" told me that once he was talking with her husband and he said "she was always so negative!" She chased him away with her constant questioning his decision making abilities.  When he would decide to do something her standard retort was "I don't think that's a good idea."  or "Do you really think we should?"  The constant questioning his abilities finally wore him down and coupled with a weak relationship with God, he finally split.  He moved on to someone who appreciated him, someone who wanted to hear his brain schemes and offered no judgement when she didn't agree with his ideas.

There was a time when I reacted the same way when Ben would come up with some grand scheme.  I'd roll my eyes sometimes and then other times I'd say something like.  "We can't afford that!" or "I don't think that's a good idea..." My poor husband!  A negative attitude is no fun to be around and boy am I good at being negative!" I'm daily retraining my brain to think and say positive things instead of instantly jumping on the negative band wagon.

Debi Pearl talks about this very subject in her book "Created to be His Help Meet."  In chapter 10 "Reactions Define You" she says "You are created to be your husband's helper, not his conscience, not his vocation director, and certainly not his critic."

Debi addresses a lot of deep issues in her book but one thing that I took away from it is "support".  I want my husband to know that he can always turn to me when he has a new idea an know that I'll listen and not try to "guide" him with my deep spiritual insights!  The Lord really had to do a work in my heart and is still working. Now when Ben comes up with yet another great idea, I listen quietly and when he's finished I keep my negative thoughts to myself.  I say something like "Wow honey,  I think you'd be great at that!"  Do you know what I've learned?  Many times all my husband is wanting to do is find out if I believe in him or not!  He's had all kinds of ideas about different vocation or ministry idea's in the past five years since the Lord's been working on me about supporting him and guess what! He's not quit his job or moved us across the country to pioneer a church or become evangelists; what he needed to know is that should he ever feel the need to change jobs or feel the Lord leading us into a different ministry I'd be with him 100%.  Who knows?  We may move before the year's out and no I don't relish the thought of leaving family and friends to strike out in a new town or state, but I do know that I will follow my man wherever he feels we're needed.  This is easier for me knowing that my husband prays about every decision a long while before he makes it, he's proved to me in the past 10 1/2 years that he doesn't just jump into a new idea without considering how our family will be affected.  He makes decisions for "us" not just to make himself happy.  Yeah, I know I'm a blessed woman... my man is perfect for me!

*I found this article to be quite interesting, and am slightly surprised it comes from a secular point of view... I thought it was worth the read and wanted to share it.  Just cut and paste this url...
http://tinyurl.com/3musywp  

Marriage and Hard Labor

Over the past few weeks I’ve been doing a lot of studying on childbirth and labor in order to receive my certification as a Birth Doula.  As I was reading my text books something struck me.  Pregnancy and childbirth are a lot like a marriage!  Stop laughing and hear me out!  I promise it’ll make sense when you read the rest of this post!  Ok maybe not but you can read it anyway and check the little box that says funny on the end of the post. Lol

The first observation I made:  On the wedding day I woke early and couldn’t go back to sleep because I was too excited to do so!  Since our wedding wasn’t until 5 o’clock that evening I had a long time to wait.  My feelings ranged from excitement, kind of a sick feeling and couldn’t eat much, then, I got super nervous and had to have someone pick me up some Cheddar Bites from Sonic because all of the sudden I was starving!   Then I had that moment of sheer panic, the last thing I had to do was kiss my new husband in front of 200 guests!  Being the shy type this terrified me.   

The ceremony was soon over along with the honeymoon and then “real life” began.  For about six months we did wonderful, all was well in paradise and then BANG, out of nowhere we were fighting and I had those crazy thoughts every new bride gets “I think I made the biggest mistake of my life!  I married the wrong man!”  Since we don’t believe in divorce, I was now stuck in a “loveless marriage”… then guess what?  As quickly as the fights had begun the abated and all was well again.  We worked through our issues and moved on with life and were happily married again. 

All in all we’ve had ten and a half beautiful years together, and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband to love.  Ben has been my strong rock when I wasn’t strong enough to care for myself physically there’s only been a few of those times that I needed his help physically.  But the many times I’ve needed his help emotionally and spiritually, he’s been there strong and steady.  His has truly been a labor of love that I don’t feel worthy of but thankfully God saw fit to put this amazing man in my life.

Now, in comparison:  In the beginning when you first take that at home pregnancy test, or maybe you took three… anyway when you see the two lines which mean you’re pregnant (now I think it’s a + sign)  at that moment we’re excited beyond words, so much so that we pick up the phone and tell your husband or best bud, now days everyone posts  everything on facebook and soon our whole circle of friends and beyond know the wonderful news. 

The first few months are a trying time.  There are many times when you run to the bathroom to get rid of whatever you just ate that did not agree with your stomach.  Then there are the smells!  My house stunk for 3 or 4 months straight, the crazy thing was I’d ask Ben “what is that smell?!”  He’d sniff the air and say “I don’t smell anything…”  I’d light a candle (a Mia Bella of course ;-)), and continue bleaching the sink.  I had a very clean house while I was pregnant.  If I didn’t I’d have to spend the first few months in the bathroom!

Then, as the first fight in our marriage… the tormenting thoughts came.  “Oh no!  What have we done?  We can’t have a baby!  I don’t even know how to be a mother… what if I get it wrong?”  Then the more terrifying thoughts  “I have to have this baby!  I’ve heard it’s a lot of pain!  How will I know when to go to the hospital…?”

Finally the night arrived!  I woke with steady pains that I thought I would just work through on my own.  After about five minutes of that sort of thinking, I woke my groggy husband.  I laugh when I think of the look on Ben’s face as he nearly fell out of the bed!  It was adorable.  He scrambled for his jeans and t-shirt and we were off to have our first daughter.  Such excitement!  Gone were the thoughts of “will I be able to be a mom?”  We had but one focus, and that was getting this baby here safe and sound.  I labored without pain medication for about five hours and then accepted the temptation of an epidural which stopped my labor!   But all’s well that ends well right?    Eleven hours after we arrived at the hospital our beautiful Natalie was born.   Then of course after her three more gorgeous daughters followed!

The thing about birth and pregnancy is, that season in your life will come to an end and slowly the memories of those exciting births will fade.  Oh, you’ll never forget the excitement of the births, but some of the detail will fade.

Marriages however, well, we have to keep working on those.  If ever we think the labor is over and we’ve no need to work through the pains, then we will lose a very precious thing.  Our marriages will go through cycles.  There will be times when we think we’ve got our spouse figured out and we know how to meet their needs, and then something unexpected comes.  Maybe an illness or a job loss or the death of a beloved parent, maybe you just don’t see eye to eye on an “important” issue.  Whatever the “contraction” may be, it must be worked through or all is lost!  You’ll never see the sweet joy that comes after the hard labor.  You see, labor in a marriage never really comes to an end.  The labor isn’t always painful and there are many many times of joy that make working it out so worth the time we spent.

If you want a beautiful marriage you have to be completely committed to this beautiful labor of love.   I forget where I heard this, “great marriages don’t just happen.”  So true, if you think you’re going to have “the perfect marriage” then think again.  There are no perfect marriages, because there are no perfect people.  But it is not a hopeless case if you’re willing to work at it.  If you are the lazy sort and are opposed to hard work, then marriage isn’t  for you for it is not a project for cowards. 

Can Peace, Love and Gladness Come After Promiscuity?

"To hope for peace and love and gladness out of promiscuity is to hope for that which will never come."  Gordon B. Hinckley  

I read this quote the other day  and I must say I disagree with it completely.  Not because I have experienced it in my own life, but because I have saw it in my own family.  I've saw a marriage ripped to shreds over promiscuity on both sides and then something miraculous happened!   After years of bitterness and heart break, and "I'm going to hurt you because you hurt me."  They put an end to the "crazy cycle"!  Why? You may ask.  For the kids! They saw the damage it was having on their children and decided to end the war.  Now when I see them instead of the distance and tolerance I see love again!   I'm sure it wasn't easy, but who said forgiveness was supposed to be an easy thing.  It's a decision that must be made often, and in their situation I'm sure it's made every day!   


When I first read this quote, my mind went to the story in the Old Testament of  Hosea the prophet and Gomer the prostitute.  The idea of a a prophet and prostitute is quite absurd, but Hosea was told by God to "... Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms..." Hosea 1:2  God's reasoning?  He wanted Hosea to see how He felt when Israel turned to other gods over and over again.  Time and again the Israelites turned to other gods and then after great sorrow and persecution they turned back to the One True God, and He accepted them back with open arms!  Now I'm not suggesting that a man should go and marry a prostitute so that he can test his power of forgiveness over and over or that a woman should marry a "womanizer" so that she'll become stronger at keeping her emotions from causing further conflict in her marriage.  


I believe that  in marriages sometimes we are to quick to say "they cheated!" and write that person off forever.  Not so much out bitterness but out of fear of being hurt again.  How heartbroken Hosea must have been when he had bought Gomer off the auction block after she'd been "used" by other men, only to see her leave and go back to her many lovers after a while!   But each time she went back he'd go after her and bring her home and nurse her back to health, just as God did with the Israelites.  Can you imagine having children with such a person?  Hosea did!  What an example he must have set for their children!  Talk about unconditional love!


I don't believe Hosea could have kept taking Gomer back had he not had complete and total faith in God.   Hosea realized that if God could keep forgiving Israel for their "whoredoms" then it was God's will for him to keep forgiving his wife.   After all in the New Testament we are told to forgive "seventy times seven..."


I am not advocating for staying married to an individual who has sex for a living.  Because of all the STD's out there that's dangerous for ones health and can also affect the children from birth and not if not at birth it will eventually affect them physically just being around the infected parent.  In order for a heart to heal after a betrayal on this level it is important to forgive so as not to allow bitterness to ruin your life or your children's.  Even if you cannot save the marriage you can keep from letting it wreck your life.  Every been around someone who's let bitterness take root?  It affects they way the act speak and make decisions.  It's not a pretty thing!


I've saw a wife forgive her husbands porn habit over and over again.  Each time she discovered he was cheating again, her heart was broken all over again and each time she had to decided to forgive and trust again.  Would you believe me if I said that something beautiful became of their marriage?  Not only has their marriage survived the infidelity, it has blossomed!  When I see them I am amazed at the love I see there instead of the bitterness that is so often the result of such a betrayal.  It's amazing what the power of forgiveness can do in a marriage!


I said all of that to say this... "Yes, you can have peace and love and gladness after promiscuity!"  Will there still be scares?  Most definitely.  Will it be a short journey?  Definitely not.  Will it be hard?  Most assuredly!  Will it be worth it?  As a bystander looking in on two different situations... it was worth it to the people who I know of who went through it and lived to tell the tale! 


In order to begin again the offended person has to put aside their insecurities of being burned again, and apply the power of forgiveness.  Even if at first you don't feel that you can truly forgive, making the decision over and over will finally become easier and easier until you can feel the forgiveness.  It is also imperative to have a relationship with Jesus Christ, otherwise you are depending solely on your own strength and we all know that at times human strength fails, but the strength of our Heavenly Father endures forever!


I know it's easy for me to write on a subject that I have never dealt with in my own marriage, but if I ever have to cross that bridge I pray that I'll be able to take my own advice.  


As always, feel free to comment.  I like to hear feedback, love hearing what others have to say!

Storms

I've not had much time to think about my blog since May 22, 2011.  Unless you live under a rock I'm sure you know that I'm referring to the EF5 tornado that hit Joplin Missouri on a Sunday evening, as a lot of church goers where getting ready to or already in church.

Since then I've been volunteering in any way I can think of.  There's so much pain and so much loss.  Some will recover fully, some will not.  Those who lost loved ones will never be able to replace what they've lost, with the Lord's help they can move on but they will never forget their loss.

Lives can be rebuilt, homes can be restored and business will recover, but the loss of a loved one is a scar that will remain in our lives.  Most of us know what it means to lose a loved one, but few of us will ever know the horror of losing a loved one in this tragic way.  My heart and prayers go our neighbors in Joplin, God bless you all, and my He grant you the peace to go on.